There are several things I absolutely would not give up to return to the sweet decade of my birth. Giving up my Macbook and trading shows like ""Dexter"" and ""Weeds"" for ""Roseanne"" simply would not fly with me. And I can't say I'm too keen on the scrunchies and Zubaz pants. But there were so many other truly magnificent things about the '90s.
For starters, I miss the days when cell phones were a rare luxury. Nowadays, I see kids who are literally 11 years old and already has a cell phone that they flaunt around every chance they get. ""Oh you need to make a call? Here, use my cell phone."" Why in God's name does an 11-year-old need a cell phone?! Gotta call up a hot date you met on the monkey bars? Need to call AAA because you're stranded on a suburban avenue with a flat tire on your new Huffy bike? What's even worse is the fact that 95 percent of the time I am socializing with others, someone in the group is glued to their phone, texting every 30 seconds and completely ignoring everything that is said. Even my own mother, who needed my help figuring out how to use call waiting on her cell phone, texts nonstop whenever we are together. Visitation rights are going to start to be limited for friends and family if after every sentence I say I get the clicking of a keyboard rather than a response.
Next on the list is the cast of ""Saturday Night Live."" It was absolutely phenomenal in the '90s, and the show is just not the same now. How much better can it get with cast members like Chris Farley, Adam Sandler, Will Ferrell, Chris Kattan and Mike Myers?! Not to mention Molly Shannon. The skits were so much more edgy and diverse in the '90s, and I would literally laugh at every single skit, whereas now I'm lucky to get in a few chuckles. Now I can only reminisce about the good ole days by watching ""The Best of Chris Farley.""
Another thing I pine for these days are Beanie Babies. I swear I had at least 300 of those little critters, and I have yet to give my mother the go ahead to sell them in a rummage sale or donate them to Goodwill. I used to beg my mom to buy me at least 10 new ones each time we went into a store that sold them. ""Of course I need the green soccer bear named Kicks. He's completely different from my tie-dyed one named Peace!"" I give props to McDonald's for giving away mini Beanie Babies in their Happy Meals. Best business decision ever. I cajoled my mom into buying me a Happy Meal at least three times a week while they were selling those bad boys. It's truly astounding I did not slip into obesity.
Inarguably the thing I miss most about the '90s is Super Nintendo and Nintendo 64. Great Scott, I tell you ""Donkey Kong Country"" was my life when Nickelodeon decided to have a marathon of ""Rocket Power"" rather than ""Spongebob Squarepants."" I would stay up until 2:00 a.m. stuck either on the level with the stop-and-go lights and the carts or attempting to out-smart the giant bumble bee until my mom charged into my room, took one look at my bloodshot, crazed eyes and demanded that I go to bed or else she'll take away my precious video game for a week.
In this day and age, I cannot for life of me figure out any other gaming system other than Wii—way more buttons than the simple A, B, start, stop and arrows.
Maybe I only feel this way since I experienced the '90s when I was in my prime. It's kind of hard to hate life when all your days consist of are playing Boys Chase Girls at recess, watching a six-hour marathon of ""The Wild Thornberries,"" or challenging your older brother to a Mario Kart tournament. In any case, I will forever look upon this decade as an age of magic followed by the awkward years of adolescence from 2000 on that I am still trying to repress.
E-mail Rebecca at alt2@wisc.edu with your stories about the acid-wash '90s.
