My boyfriend dumped me last year. I'm over it; it's fine. The real problem is, he bought me a REALLY nice, REALLY expensive ($100+) vibrator when we were dating. Since the dumpage I've tried using it, but it only brings up bad memories about my ex. How can I use the vibrator without feeling weird every time? —Feeling Bad Vibes
A dilemma to be sure, FBV! When our brains are bothered, a good sack session (solo or partnered) can be diminished by even seemingly minute details and bad memories of an ex are definitely not a minute detail.
In this case, the solution is to re-train your brain. You need to break this association of Fancy Vibe (FV from here out) with your ex in order for FV to give you the buzz you deserve.
How to do this? Start by distraction. Conjure up a steamy fantasy, put on your favorite baby-making music, pull up your favorite porn website. Spend a few moments getting yourself to focus on the sexy visual or imaginative stimuli you've got going, and then fire up FV.
If your focus crumbles like Ben Roethlisberger in a Super Bowl, then stop. Regroup. Tweak your fantasy so it holds your attention better. Turn up the volume on your stereo. Fast forward to your favorite scene. Once you've gotten back into your mental groove, bring FV back. If necessary, stop again and repeat.
If you're still struggling to use FV without your ex bringing things to a grinding halt, try giving yourself an alternative tactile focus. Masturbate with your hands, or bring out another vibrator or toy. Keep FV close by. When you find yourself thoroughly aroused, perhaps even close to orgasm, sneak FV into the action. Perhaps switch solely to FV, or keep masturbating with your hands in conjunction with FV, or use two vibrators at once. Eventually, the goal is to have a pleasurable masturbatory session that incorporates FV. This will solidify your association of FV with pleasure instead of with your ex.
Additionally, perhaps incorporating FV into partner sex will help you to break its association with one person. Ask a new partner to use FV on you (maybe don't mention that it was given to you by an ex).
See if you can focus on New Partner, or on a fantasy as discussed above. If it's not working out, simply flash a seductive smile at New Partner and say, ""I think it would be even hotter if we did————"" in order to segue to something else.
No matter what method is most successful, the ultimate goal is to make this vibrator yours. Even though it came from someone else, FV is about your pleasure and your happiness; hopefully, with a bit of effort and mental reconditioning, you will associate your fancy vibrator not with your ex, but with epic orgasms.
Good luck and good vibes.
My roommate has horrible body odor. I can't stand to be in the same room with him, but it doesn't even matter whether he's around or not around because the smell always is… How should I tell him that he needs to take a shower more often?
—Grossed Out
Um, while it's not immediately clear to me why the sex column was the best place to direct this particular concern; I guess I can have a go—GO. I would frame the problem as a concern for your roommate rather than as a gross-out issue for you. For example, you could say, ""Hey, I've noticed lately that you don't seem to be taking care of yourself like you used to,"" or something to that effect. Improper self-care can be a red flag for depression, substance abuse, or other health issues, so while it's possible your roommate just falls on the lower end of the hygiene curve, it's also possible there's something more serious going on. So try to be sensitive.
And maybe get some Febreze.
Have sex questions? E-mail sex@dailycardinal for some quality advice.
