Does a dude have to cum in order to have an orgasm? I heard you can't.
—Desperately Seeking Answers About Dudes Orgasms.
Hey DSAADO,
That's a great question, and one that a lot of people tend to wonder about; after all, women can orgasm and don't necessarily ejaculate, right? So here is the thing about dudes and their orgasms: Orgasms and ejaculation are not dependent upon one another, but they tend to go hand in hand. Most often, when a dude with a penis is stimulated, however that may happen to, erm, happen, at some point or another he'll start to feel that feeling. The one where his breathing becomes shortened, more shallow. His face may turn a bright shade of cardinal, and he feels that old familiar sensation that he's about to fall over the Cliff of No Return into Cum Canyon. That's an orgasm. But that may not necessarily mean he's going to expel semen in an ejaculation. There are plenty of times when guys have ejaculations without experiencing an orgasm; for instance, wet dreams are often disassociated from orgasms.
Sting, you know, the guy from the Police and singer of that 1999 inescapable and inexplicable hit ""Desert Rose,"" is capable of experiencing orgasms without ejaculating. The practice of tantric sex involves, among other things best left to others more qualified to explain, learning to exercise control over one's ejaculation mechanisms by learning how to delay ejaculation.
But you don't have to be Sting or achieve a higher level of being with the Universe to achieve similar results. Delaying ejaculation is a matter of learning how your body works and recognizing the signs that ejaculation is imminent. If one were to set on learning how to control one's ejaculation, one should first understand that the process of ejaculation isn't simply a mind-over-matter issue. Ejaculation occurs when the sympathetic nervous system takes over, sending the signal to the man's nether regions to begin expelling semen and causing a series of muscles to begin contracting. Overriding your sympathetic nervous system is no easy task and takes a lot of practice, but it is doable.
Practice means taking the bull by the horns and getting down to masturbating and doing some pubococcygeus flexing (bear with me, I'll explain in a minute). I would venture to believe that most guys in college have some idea of what it takes to get them to cum, but if you don't already, this is a good time to figure it out. Find out what it takes to bring yourself to orgasm, or near orgasm, as that'll come in handy later.
Next, begin working your pubococcygeus muscles. Alright, alright, pubococcygeus muscles are the fancy name for the muscles that control the flow of urine and semen. Like any muscle in the body, if you work them out, they will get stronger, and will be of more use to you when you need to flex them. You can go about strengthening your pubococcygeus muscles by doing Kegel exercises. If you don't know which muscles are your pubococcygeus muscles, just think of what you need to do to flex your penis when it's hard, or what muscle you use when you have to pee and you're sitting in the middle of the row in a power lecture. To strengthen these muscles, flex and hold them for several seconds, several times per day. Or, when you're peeing, try stopping mid-stream several times. After a while your pubococcygeus muscles will be all beefy and ready for the big show.
Now that you're ready to show off your new muscles, try masturbating again, bringing yourself to just near orgasm and quickly tightening your pubococcygeus muscles. That should help to stem the flow of semen, but may, after some practice, allow you to still experience an orgasm. Cutting off the flow of semen is not by any means the only way of experiencing an ejaculation-free orgasm. Folks who are able to accomplish this feat have worked long and hard at learning their body's responses, and how to experience an orgasm as a full-body experience. So while the process I've laid out above is a good start, you'll have to experiment for yourself to learn how to experience orgasms without ejaculation.
Sex questions? E-mail sex@dailycardinal.com.
