This week's column marks the third and final installment in our female orgasm series. Today, we're hearing from a group of people who enjoy helping a female-bodied partner achieve orgasm. If you like giving ladies orgasms and/or you're a lady who likes having orgasms, take heed.
It's not you—it's her.
D, age 22: ""I remember the first time my girlfriend and I talked about [her] faking orgasms … I felt frustrated and almost insulted. It took me a while, but I got into an ‘It's not me, it's you' kind of mindset. What I mean by that is, it's not me or my ego or even my sexual ability that is most important … [it's] making sure that my partner is satisfied … [and the way] to do that is by listening and doing exactly what she wants, even if it wasn't what you thought would work or what [your partners] have liked in the past.""
E, age 22: ""You can't go into it thinking that you'll know exactly [what to do]. The things that you've done with previous sexual partners might work, but they might not. So listen to her and don't get offended if she tells you that something isn't working. I try to think of it as a good thing when a girl tells me she doesn't like it. Why would I want to waste my time (and hers)?""
M, age 23: ""I try to speak up a lot in bed to see if a girl will follow my lead—‘I like it when you do this,' etc. Not only does that get her talking, but it helps let her know what I like! [If that doesn't work], I just ask her. ‘What do you like? Do you prefer this or this?' etc.""
S, age 26: ""The most important rule in pleasing a woman physically is the same one in pleasing her emotionally: Care about it. Don't pretend to care about it, don't just want her to THINK you care about it; actually care about it. If you do not care about her pleasure, if her pleasure is not the first thing on your mind, then your odds of reaching that so-sought-after peak of excitement are greatly diminished. Please only her and pay attention to only her … and once she's [also] concentrating on her own excitement and pleasure, LISTEN. Listen to her with your ears and your hands and your mouth. She won't just prompt you with her words but also with her body.""
Find out how she gives herself orgasms.
D, age 24: ""I like to have a girl masturbate in front of me. First, it's like live porn, and you can also see how she pleasures herself. I like to take mental notes on certain things so I can try to do the same thing later.""
W, age 25: ""I always knew my girlfriend had a vibrator, which was always fine, but I was very reluctant when she suggested bringing it into [partner sex]. I got over it pretty fast though. I think the problem was just that I didn't really know what to expect from the vibrator, but I eventually picked up on how she used it and how I could help her use it, and in the end I didn't have to work as hard, so that was nice.""
""For God's sake, the clitoris!""
M, age 20: ""Make her show you where her clitoris is. I'm sorry, but I'm still not very good at finding it, and I have found it to be good for everyone in the long run if you're just up front about it and say, ‘I want you to show me exactly where I should touch you.'""
Z, age 25: ""You have to be good with your tongue and your hands. Lots of guys think about fingering or oral as something that leads up to the main event, but this can be the most physically pleasurable part for a lot of women, and you need to respect that. Use your fingers, use BOTH of your hands, and use your mouth to focus on her clitoris. When you're that close up, you also have a good sense of how she's responding, as well. Pay attention to what her muscles are doing, or notice if she isn't as wet as she used to be [ed. note: this may also have everything to do with how long you've been going at it, and not how much she's enjoying things!]. Adjust appropriately.""
S, age 26: ""For God's sake, the clitoris! Don't forget to love up that man at the top of the canoe.""
Thanks to everyone for all your input! Your advice has helped educate readers about the amazing female orgasm. Bets are, there are more sex questions you'd like to ask, so send them to sex@dailycardinal.com.
