We like, we like to party. Scratch that, Vengaboys, we here in Madison love to party. To be exact, we love a nonstop party, the kind whose fun is not hampered and cut short by the men in blue. Noise complaints from angry neighbors often alert the police of said nonstop joy that occurs at our parties, creating a mess of tickets and fines that make the fiesta almost not worthwhile. Almost.
With our pleasurable soirées, the idea of obtaining a noise permit to eliminate the inevitability of an unwanted police intervention seems too good to be true. But to stop the reader from getting too excited, Ald. Bridget Maniaci, District 2, proposed a plan to create a permit to allow Madison parties to be loud and proud. However, it is just too good to be true.
At first glance, Maniaci seems like a college kid's superhero, defending our desires to be as loud and obnoxious as possible on the weekends, saving our world one party at a time. The idea sure sounds good. Under Maniaci's plan, before hosting an event, we would simply have to apply for a permit and receive permission from 75 percent of our neighbors. For college students, many of our neighbors are fellow partygoers and would likely benefit from an invite to such a raucous extravaganza. Even for other Madison residents looking to celebrate a wedding, retirement or those lazy days of summer in a more boisterous way, the option of obtaining a noise permit instead of a public disturbance ticket seems like a godsend.
Unfortunately, Maniaci's proposal, while created in response to genuine constituent concern and meant to facilitate harmless Madison get-togethers, is shrouded in cumbersome details that will not satisfy the original complaints of party hosts. First of all, the process of applying for a permit requires a hefty amount of advance preparation, including delivering a petition signed by 75 percent of the neighbors within 700 feet of the party residence 10 days prior to the event, which is quite a burden if you live someplace like the Equinox. For larger, more planned-out insanity that occurs maybe once a year, this preparation may seem just. However, for those bashes that tend to be last-minute and thrown by generally lazy people, aka most college parties, the application process alone discourages obtaining the city's protection.
For those who are willing to go through the lengthy process to acquire a permit for their event, it probably isn't even worth the effort. The permit itself has qualifications and restrictions that make it a waste of time. According to the Wisconsin State Journal's report on the policy proposal, the permit would only allow discernable sound from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m., with a one-hour extension on weekends. Regretfully, then, this permit will still not apply to college parties, as most do not begin until around that time. For even noncollege bashes, the cut-off at 9 or 10 renders the permit almost completely useless, because most noise complaints are issued at night while the clamor is depriving neighbors of their sleep. Weddings, cocktail parties or even those particularly rowdy retirement celebrations that do extend past bedtime would still be subject to noise violations at night.
It seems that the only type of bash left would be the kind of afternoon barbeque that resembles Mifflin, Lollapalooza and a bit of ""The Hangover."" And because we at Madison love to party, the substitute of insured daytime parties could be a possible alternative. The permit might just be worth it for that really special event that does require advanced planning, will inevitably be loud and will take place during the day. But there's one more catch.
A final permit restriction is that noise, even with the permit, cannot be heard from 400 feet away. Ironically, this is how loud a party would probably have to be to elicit a noise complaint in the first place. So loud parties, with or without a noise permit, could still be charged for disturbing the peace.
Maniaci, a hopeful hero to good times, finds her kryptonite in the detailed restrictions of her own permit proposal. Nothing will change for our partying ways if this proposal is passed. Still, Maniaci's intended outcome of facilitating more user-friendly parties are false hopes as well. The application process, time restrictions and noise radius limitations make this permit a pointless proposal.
Melissa Grau is a freshman intending to major in secondary education and communication arts. We welcome all feedback. Please send all responses to opinion@dailycardinal.com.
