As my final year at UW-Madison winds to a slow and painful close, I can't help but look back upon some of the more memorable moments of my time here. Sure, the football Saturdays, the sunsets at Memorial Union and the nights when I called my ex-girlfriend Sherry upwards of 76 times rank up there in my memories, but somehow many classroom stories still stick out in my memory. We are lucky enough to have some of the most unique and influential professors at UW-Madison, and some of my most defining moments came at the hands of their lessons, no matter how serious or silly. As a sort of written tribute, I thought I'd share some of my most favorite teaching moments from my time in Madison.
One of the first memorable professorial moments occurred when I was on my way to take a final exam in a social work class my freshman year. As we entered our testing location, we found a note from the professor saying that the exam location had moved to another building and we should go there as soon as possible. As we left, a homeless man accosted each one of us, asking for help in any shape or form. I did not see if anyone stopped to help him, but I told him I was in a hurry and he should e-mail me after the exam if he needed anything.
Once we got to the new exam location, our professor asked if any of us had stopped to help the homeless man. When we all explained that we had not, he informed us that the homeless man had been a setup, none of us had learned anything from his social work course and we had all failed the final exam. All of a sudden, a student came in riding the homeless man like a bull, slapping his ass and hollering ""Hi-ho Silver!"" Thanks to that student, we all received D's on the exam, he received an F and the professor for that social work class committed suicide shortly thereafter. How wacky!
The next memory occurred in a childhood development class. We had just gotten done discussing the effects of divorce on children when the professor informed us that statistically, 50 percent of the people in this room would end up divorced. As I looked around, I noticed about half of the students high-fiving each other. When I asked the guy next to me why, he explained he wouldn't feel so bad about cheating on his girlfriend since he knew they'd likely get divorced anyways. I also raised my hand and asked the professor if she thought I would end up divorced. She laughed and said no one would ever love me. Ah, memories! (Slight pause while Jon wipes the tears out of his eyes.)
Thankfully, the next moment I recall was a bit funnier than the last two. As it turned out, the geology professor I had sophomore year was also an amateur hypnotist. On our last day, he offered to hypnotize any brave souls from the class. I sheepishly volunteered, and before I knew it, the guy had me imitating barn animals and howling at the moon. Now, I can't confirm this, but some friends of mine in the class claim that while I was hypnotized, the professor asked me to reveal an embarrassing secret I had. Apparently, I told him that I slept with a geology TA to get an A on a volcanic eruption lab. Also, I supposedly made a really clever pun involving having sex with the TA and volcanic eruptions. All I remember is waking up in front of a silent class as one woman in the back ran out of the room. Good class, but I'm still wondering how I ended up with that BC.
I've saved my most beloved professor as the focus of my very last and personal favorite story from my time as a student at UW-Madison. We never actually knew the professor's name, but we always called him Prof. Pale. He never actually taught anything, but he had the most quirky sense of humor! Prof. Pale would always make us laugh by moaning endlessly, shuffling around the classroom with a slight limp and occasionally biting one of us on the skull. Later on we found out he was a zombie, and he actually ate our original professor. Out of any of the special professors and instructors I've had over the years, I'd say Prof. Pale changed me the most as a person.
Specifically, he changed me into a zombie. Good guy, though. Great at differential equations.
Do you want to hear more about Prof. Pale? Send your brains to Jon at brains4lyfe@wisc.edu.
