In a tragic turn of events last weekend, the screening of director Gustav Pepprik's new experimental film, Electric Cucumber,"" left dozens dead and many others suffering from brain hemorrhaging. Critic Nicholas Carlson had already warned that the film ""[would] blow your mind,"" but over 100 people still braved the screening to witness what the fuss was all about.
Rather than being treated to an existential look at vegetables, audiences instead literally had their minds blown, leaving not only many grieving family members, but at least one angry custodian.
""It's a disgrace, I tell you,"" said Lucius Fox, one of the custodians at the Orpheum Theatre. ""These new-fangled directors think they can come in here and put whatever they want on the screen without any regard for common decency or respect of people's cerebral cortexes!"" Fox then grabbed a bottle of Mr. Clean and muttered something about needing to go outside and clear his mind, along with about 50 other people's.
James Ruffalo, a moviegoer who managed to survive the massacre, described the film as ""a frenetic mish-mash of images"" and cautioned those with epilepsy from seeing the film. ""I couldn't believe what was happening around me,"" said Ruffalo. ""I haven't seen this bad of a reaction to a movie since 'Step Up 2: The Streets'.""
Despite many people already promising to file lawsuits, Pepprik has remained staunchly supportive of his film.
""People told me I was crazy when I was making this film. Sure, I went through four editors and five producers before I could complete the film, but in the end it was worth it,"" Pepprik said.
""To make a great omelet, you've got to crack a few eggs. It just happens that in my case, the 'eggs' were the occipital lobes of about 100 unsuspecting human brains.""
Not everyone found ""Electric Cucumber"" to be offensive. Garth Martin, who calls himself a ""film snob"" (most acquaintances drop the ""film"" part of it), found the film to be ""ironic, like that Alanis Morrisette song.""
He went on to chide the film's critics, claiming they ""don't understand Pepprik's vision and are quick to judge a director clearly ahead of his time."" Martin then grabbed his soy latte, hopped in his Prius and cranked up the stereo to listen to a band so obscure they didn't even have a MySpace page.
In the end, Pepprik admitted that he may try to make his next film a bit more mainstream. ""I stand by the message I was trying to convey with 'Electric Cucumber,' but I think I'll probably try to tone it down for my next outing,"" Pepprik said. ""I'll probably stick to typical art-house fare, perhaps an exercise in scatological fetish or a film of grass growing shot in real-time."" Whatever the case may be, Pepprik has left an imprint on filmmaking and in several people's cerebellums forever.
