With five weeks left in the school year, I approach not only the end of the year, but the end of college.
As a Letters and Sciences major, my job search has run into a bit of a problem. Sure, I have diverse class experience such as Theater 120 and History of Dutch Culture, but none of these have any practical application... anywhere, no matter what my crappy SOAR advisor claimed.
With most people, it's possible to tell their career prospects simply by the title of their major. Some say, ""I'm a chemistry major, so I'm gonna become a chemist!"" or ""I'm a Sociology major, so I'm gonna become a Socialist! Once I create my own form of currency, the government must accept it!""
I've even heard, ""I'm a Soil Science major, so I'm going to grow a goatee and become a supervillain. Please note, I am referring to a Bond-esque supervillain, not a Superman-esque one. I mean, c'mon, it's not like I'm a horticulture major!""
I'm personally a journalism major, so by changing the ""m"" to a ""t,"" logic dictates that I should become a journalist. However, I realize I might not want to do that, and a recent look on Monster.com revealed a couple choice job openings for me.
Preschool teacher
I have no experience and am not that fond of children. But it's being a preschool teacher, how tough can that be? I know my preschool teacher allowed me to fall off the jungle gym, and I'm more than certain I can continue that tradition. Hint, canola oil makes things slippery, very slippery.
Male Go-Go Stripper
Again, no experience. I blame UW-Madison for not having a course on male stripping and the joy of the thong. It's especially bad considering my high school had intensive courses on the matter (all the way from integrated pole dancing I to an advanced placement course).
So when I got to college, which is supposedly the next step, there were no courses on the subject, not even a mini-course. Regardless, I think this is another career my cute oval butt can elevate me through.
Guy who walks on to construction site on University Avenue and just starts putting shit together, hoping to get a random paycheck, while not killing anyone, and if he does, hopefully it's an evil monster, and its death will free a race of friendly gnome-creatures. Own hard hat required.
I think this one kind of explains itself. By killing monsters, I get money, and money is the American dream (Monster-free universe actually comes in around #43 on the American dream list).
Counterfeiter
Easy. I know where Kinko's is, and I have easy access to one dollar bills.
Professional Easter Bunny
Some might say I'm too late to hop on this gravy train. Those who say that are the fools who never went to college. Sure, Easter occurred two days ago, but people want rabbits year round. What better way to mow the lawn than with an adorable hopping Easter bunny? And how could anyone ever file their 2553 tax form without the aid of an egg-dispensing rabbit?
Don't worry, I seek these jobs out of joy, not out of desperation of being a jobless graduate. Oh, but if you have a job to offer and desperation is something that gets you off, then I can definitely ""pretend"" to be desperate for you!
Please note, any of the above jobs can be combined. Also note, my certificate in Erotic Bunnyism makes me an excellent stripper rabbit.
