One of the things I will miss most once I graduate from college will be the interesting people I've met.
I can, without a doubt, say the people here compose the weirdest bunch ever. And I'm including those on the Greyhound bus in that statement.
But don't worry, it's good weird, not bad weird.
The combination of (possible) extreme intelligence with (possible) extreme boredom festers and creates people who act out in bizarre fashions, much to my delight.
I remember sitting in on a lecture from Stephen Thompson, one of the early members of The Onion. A person named Brad*, who I know through friends of friends, walked in and sat next to me. I had known him to be weird, but knew The Onion goodness would get me through the lecture.
Things started out all right but after roughly three seconds, the situation became strange. I had set my keys on the table next to my stuff. Brad reasoned that it would be a great idea to grab the keys and stare at them, feel them, reading every detail upon them (""Duplication prohibited"").
I watched this develop and figured things were weird, but tolerable.
Then things got weird, and intolerable.
Brad's simple caressing of my keys suddenly turned into Brad rubbing my keys against his face. His attention remained on the front of the room, staring at the speaker, but his thoughts focused on taking my key-y goodness and transplanting the feeling onto his cheek.
I could have easily told him to stop, but I didn't want to be ""that guy."" You know, the one who stands up during crowded lectures and yells, ""Get my keys off your face you frilly-headed freak!""
After five minutes of the most bizarre molestation I've ever laid witness to, Brad finally placed my keys back on the table. Tragedy averted.
As I silently praised the Lord (which is weird for an atheist), Brad whispered something to the person on his other side.
Once that interchange finished, Brad returned to eyes facing the front of the room... and sadly, he also returned to cheeks upon keys.
I'd like to use this moment to switch into Brad-vision, because I still, to this day, have no clue what was going on in that messed up little mind of his.
BRAD VISION: Hey! Keys! Keys are cold! Ohhhh so cold, I just want to rub them all over me. Oh yeah, keys, so so so kinky. I've already gotten the attention of this kid next to me, I think with the right amount of mayonnaise, I can turn this into the perfect erotic encounter.
Eventually Brad replaced my keys. In one fell swoop, I grabbed the keys, glared at Brad and slammed them over to the other side of the table.
With all that I've said about this encounter, it's still one I cherish. Once I'm out in the working world, I'll certainly meet people that are this off-kilter, but I'll most likely work with them and have to deal with their ""eccentricities.""
From the relative safety of college, I can look at Brad, laugh and move on. I might encounter him later in life, but everything will just add to the lore surrounding him.
*Name has been changed to protect the truly bizarre.
