Scientists are known for giving rather ridiculously long names for rather simple concepts. Teenagers don't have acne. They have facial pilosebaceous skin lesions. Did your grandfather die from an acute myocardial infarction, or a simple heart attack? Was the Chernobyl disaster a simple explosion? Or was it a criticality accident that caused a power excursion?
Most of the time, these names are descriptive. As it turns out, most of these complex monikers are simply an attempt to carefully define and describe events that are vague when referred to in the vernacular. What we may call acne may in fact be a combination of several different skin conditions, and the same is true for heart attacks.
Occasionally, however, the complex names are far more entertaining than their simple counterparts. Take, for example, the rare medical condition known as somnambulistic sexual behavior, also referred to as ""sexsomnia.""
What is sexsomnia? Start with equal parts wet dream and sleepwalking. Add a pinch of the bizarre and a smigden of the strange. Stir. Instead of falling asleep immediately after sex—a common condition that, unfortunately for unsatisfied partners everywhere, is normal and uncurable—sufferers of sexsomnia fall asleep during intercourse.
Sufferers of sexsomnia are mostly male and generally aren't aware of their behavior. According to a study performed by Colin Shapiro, a researcher at the University of Toronto, most men with the condition simply believed they were having a particularly intense sexually-oriented dream, and didn't know they were involved with their partners until the next morning.
Most men reportedly exhibit changed behavior. Some become more aggressive, more amorous and even more oriented towards satisfying their partner.
Clincal details aside, the best part of sexsomnia, however, is definitely its name. Sure, it'd be relatively easy to call it ""sleep-sex,"" but ""somnambulistic sexual behavior"" lends the idea a certain aura of credibility that the more vernacular terms simply don't provide.
Where a person may be embarrassed to tell a friend that their partner was sleep-fucking, bringing to mind an unsavory character, telling someone ""my pleasure was enhanced by my partner's sexsomnia"" connotes a slightly more mysterious and exciting meaning.
Of course, the use of complex terms can (and often does) go too far. But until that time, I'll find it pleasing to use obfuscating verbal constructions to euphemistically describe socially offensive concepts in an obsessively precise manner until the manure-and-milk-producing-mammals return to the place of their conception. Or maybe I'll just go take a nap and see what happens.
Keaton Miller is a junior majoring in math and economics. After reading the Shapiro study, he vowed to never sleep again. Do you have your own experiences with sexsomnia? After you wake up, let Keaton know at keatonmiller@wisc.edu
