Let's play a game! Monopoly? Too financially driven for my tastes. Risk? Too warlike for my current serene state. Trivial Pursuit? Too ... trivial.
How about this one? I call it ""Ignorance is Bliss."" I tell you a moronic ignorant quote and you tell me who said it. That sounds fun, doesn't it? OK, we'll start with an old one just to get things started. Read closely:
""It's the most hectic, nerve-racking city. Imagine having to take the 7 train to the ballpark, looking like you're riding through Beirut next to some kid with purple hair, next to some queer with AIDS, right next to some dude who just got out of jail for the fourth time, right next to some 20-year-old mom with four kids. It's depressing.""
Time's up? Yeah, that's lovable, huggable John Rocker. What a cutie he was. All right, let's move on to some more current excerpts. Here's one:
""As long as you don't bring your gayness on me I'm fine. As far as business-wise, I'm sure I could play with him. But I think it would create a little awkwardness in the locker room.""
Ok, I'll give you a hint. He hardly plays, he's uninformed and the only way he can possibly make a name for himself now that he doesn't play on Duke is to make incredibly asinine comments about homosexuals to the media.
For all those who guessed the ill-mannered Shavlik Randolph of the 76ers, whose boorish, moronic comments about former Magic center John Amaechi's recent coming out captivated the nation, almost more so than the gutsy Amaechi himself, move ahead two spaces or take a colored pie piece or whatever.
But while it is scientifically proven, except to Randolph, that ""gayness"" doesn't rub off on anyone in the locker room, it seems to me that ""ignorance-ness"" does. Here's another snippet from a brainy Sixer.
""For real? He's gay for real? Nowadays it's proven that people can live double lives. I watch a lot of TV, so I see a lot of sick, perverted stuff about married men running around with gay guys and all types of foolishness... As long as he don't make any advances toward me, I'm fine with it.""
That's Stephen Hunter, who is far from OK with ""that foolishness,"" but as long as it's not directed toward him, he's cool. If you didn't get that one, lose a turn or go to jail or give all your fellow players 10 bucks or something.
Combined, the virtuoso duo of Hunter and Randolph have averaged 7.2 points per game in their careers. So, maybe we're just hearing from the NBA scrubs. Let's get the opinion of a superstar. Check this one out:
""We spend so much time together, we're like family. You take showers together, you're on the bus, and you talk about things. With teammates, you have to be trustworthy. If you're gay and you're not admitting that you are, you're not trustworthy. It's the locker room code; it's a trust factor.""
That's the golden boy, the king: LeBron James. James thinks his teammates should trust him. A gay teammate should tell his other locker room buddies, because they'd be there for him to discuss whatever need be discussed. Like, for instance if you were on the Sixers, and you wanted to come out, you should trust guys like Randolph and Hunter. I mean they ride the bus with you, they're practically like family. Why shouldn't you put your faith in upstanding gentlemen like themselves?
And furthermore, you should tell LeBron, because you guys shower together. And it seems LeBron doesn't care too much for you getting all up in his business while he uses his loofah. But at least you guys are family.
With that said, what Amaechi did is courageous. I'm sick and tired of columnists saying otherwise, just because he didn't come out during his NBA tenure. For anyone who bottles up feelings like that for as long as he did, the releasing of those to the world is no easy act. Without the backdrop of basketball, the act of coming out is still gutsy in this day an age (a very sad fact as it should not be anything shocking).
Furthermore, doing it in the testosterone world of the NBA (even for a former player) is even harder. However, where those columnists are right is that people's minds won't change until someone of LeBron's stature comes out during his career. And even then it'll be a rough journey for the athlete in question.
Until then, Shavlik Randolph can just kick it with his boy Jerry Fallwell and ride the bench on one of the worst teams in the NBA, hoping not to contract ""gayness"" anytime soon.
If ignorance is bliss, then these guys are in heaven.
If you'd like to play Sorry! with Sam, e-mail him at sepepper@wisc.edu.
