***BEEP BEEP BEEP*** A loud noise goes off. Most sane people would realize this is the time to wake up.
***BEEP BEEP BEEP***
Hmmm ... that loud noise has gone off again. Yet, people are not yet awake. Bizarre.
***BEEP BEEP BEEP***
Why? Why must this noise still occur? It should have ended thirty minutes ago!
***BEEP BEEP BEEP***
OK! Enough is enough! (Smashes roommate's alarm clock with comically oversized hammer)
This was the scene far too commonly in my dorm room last year. I'd be sleeping peacefully, when an alarm would go off. Not my alarm, mind you, but a random alarm, usually located across the room, usually located next to my roommate's bed. Then it would go off again and again, and again and again. And then, just for good measure, it went off again. Each time it went off and my roommate snoozed, I was rudely awakened. Yes, it's true, I had fallen victim to my roommate's snooze alarm.
Around this time, I realized that I absolutely despise the snooze button. However, it's not just the fact that my roommate's alarm commonly woke me up at 7 a.m. on Fridays last year, so he could go to his 7:45 a.m. class'yes, they do schedule classes that early on that day, I know, news to me as well'oh no, that's just the start of my problem with the snooze button.
I know this is going to earn me a lot of hatred, but I will vouch that the snooze button is one of the worst inventions ever created. I'm actually placing snooze beyond the pet rock in terms of uselessness, because at least the pet rock could actually do something. It could provide entertainment for lonely souls, the snooze button cannot make that same claim.
My main problem with snooze is that it does absolutely nothing for anyone. Some people claim that they love the snooze button, because it allows them to get an extra seven minutes of sleep.
There are two problems with this statement. First, it's seven minutes'that's literally no time. I sometimes take seven minutes to decide seven minutes is a pointless interval of time. Secondly, if you feel the desire for an 'extra' seven minutes of sleep, then set your alarm clock for seven minutes later. This will result in sleep that's actually useful, and it will also make certain your roommate does not murder you while you 'sleep.'
With logic like this laid out so, logically, I still can't fathom how many people still feel the desire and necessity to use that little button of evil. I knew this could not be a purely human trait, something more evil and diabolical had to factor into the equation. At this point I began research.
My research shocked not only me, but it will have far reaching effects on society at large. I uncovered a vast global conspiracy where corporations push forth the concept of snoozing in order to waste people's precious time. This conspirators include such people as evil foreign dictator Kim Jong-il, all the way up to tennis star Andy Roddick.
The conglomerate uses the annoyingness factor of the snooze button to cause their enemies' roommates to murder them while they sleep! In hindsight, this makes sense, because that's the only reason for a snooze button to exist.
Now that I've solved that mystery, I've earned some sleep.
***BEEP BEEP BEEP***
Son of a bitch.
