Tomorrow is the first day you will be able to sign a lease for next year's apartment, house or slum. This day can be exciting. If you're on the ball, you've been searching for places to live. You've scoured your dorm floor or found a group of compatible people and tomorrow you will get first dibs on the home of your dreams.
However, if you're like me, tomorrow has come too soon. I haven't unpacked boxes yet, and some of my stuff is still at my parents' house. I haven't had the time to adjust to my current place, let alone find a new one and roommates to go with it.
One of the most difficult parts of this process is telling your current roommates you do not want to live with other people, regardless of the reason. No matter where you're going, whether you're studying abroad or moving to State Street, it is hard finding out that someone you live with doesn't want to live with you.
You have enough things to do this week, so to make it easier, I have provided you with a letter for your roommate. Whether you will miss living with your roommate or smile as they leave, the letter will work for you. All you need to do is circle, highlight or underline the choices, sign your name and tape it to their door. Consider the most awkward part of finding a new place done.
Dear/Hey/Listen Up Current Roommate,
I want you to know that you have been a/an wonderful/awful housing companion. You always make me feel happy/sad/scared to come home after class. Whether you're helping with chores/stealing my stuff or taking great phone messages/getting drunk and throwing up in my pillowcase, I have always/never enjoyed our moments together.
But next year, I am sad/pleased to say I will not be able to live with you. I will be graduating/studying abroad/getting the hell away from you. You see, we all need to set out on our own. I want you to find yourself and truly experience what this campus has to offer. It is my hope that you will find a roommate who appreciates your kindness/crippling body odor and generosity/ 'My Humps' ringtone. I am sure there is someone out there who does, and I would be doing you a disservice to let you live with me again.
Don't be sad/pissed off. Allow me to remind you of the special times we've shared. Remember when you made coffee for me/ played 'Jump Around' on your boom box for 10 hours right before finals? That was so nice/migraine-inducing. Or how about when you got me that t-shirt/arrested during Spring Break.? That vacation was one I will never forget. I am reminded of you every time I put it on/try to get a job.
So don't worry; this is not the end of our friendship. It is just a small break/??okay who am I kidding it is the end. I just don't want you worrying. You will find another roommate/pushover to live with. Trust me, by this time next year, you won't even think of me.
That said, I wish you the best/painful urination and offer you good luck/nothing in the future.
Let's keep in touch/ Go to hell.
Signed, ___________ (Write your name here.)
