\Alone in the Dark"" is ghastly. It is on a level of amazingly unabashed wretchedness that is reserved for other regrettable science fiction debacles like ""Battlefield Earth"" and ""Space Truckers."" However, while films like those will take their place in the halls of kitsch and camp, ""Alone in the Dark"" has only obscurity and the collective groans of thousands of disgusted viewers to mark its existence.
The movie hits the ground stumbling. With an introduction that talks about an ancient super-civilization, the Abskani, which opened a door to an evil realm and unleashed a bunch of evil monsters, called ""xenos,"" it can only get worse. Of course, it does. There's a mad scientist involved named Hudgens (Matthew Walker), who experiments with orphaned children. Then one of the kids escapes.
That kid, Edward Carnby (Christian Slater), becomes a paranormal investigator fallen from the ranks of a secret organization, Bureau 713. Carnby dashes around the globe trying to collect artifacts that somehow deal with the Abskani and winds up with his ex-girlfriend, the beautiful, intelligent Aline Cedrac (Tara Reid). Carnby and Cedrac track down the mysteries of the xenos and join 713 to see how the artifacts, the xenos and the Abskani are all connected.
Yes, it's that bad. As outlandish as the plot sounds, it's even worse to watch. There's no action that feels like it has any consequence. There are no moments of buildup that have any appreciable payoff. Tension is difficult to achieve and impossible to maintain. Director Uwe Boll seemed intent on ignoring the plot in order to make his characters look even worse.
Slater has hit rock bottom. He gives Carnby no mystery or depth. Reid is simply miscast beyond belief. Her place in the museum is laughable. The only thing worse than these two leads separately is the two together. During a sex scene in Carnby's apartment, the stars seem even less physically attractive than in their remaining performances in the movie.
While science fiction and horror films don't need or warrant fine acting, they can at least gain points for originality. ""Alone in the Dark"" does not do that. It rips off imagery and exposition from several sources.
The xenos unmistakably resemble the xenomorphs from the Aliens franchise. Their jet-black appearance, lightning speed and vicious tails almost make you wish Ripley would show up and blow them all to hell just to have some character to cheer for. The ancient civilization set-up is a sad echo of ""Alien vs. Predator."" Then it jumps series and pulls liberally from such disasters as ""The Relic"" and even extremely bad zombie movies.
Everything about the movie, except for a scene when the xenos attack a barricade manned by several members of 713, is done poorly. That scene feels like the climax, even though the film drags on for several more painful minutes. Then it mercifully, mercifully ends.
