Last week, I was sitting in College Library trying to write my column and I just couldn't do it. But for once, my lack of productivity wasn't my fault. Two women decided to stand right behind me while they had a conversation about a date one of them had the night before. Since they were violating my personal space, I felt no ethical dilemma about listening in. So, you're asking, how was the date?
\Not so good. He was too quiet. I had to spur all our conversation... That's the last time I use that dating Web site.""
She seemed pretty affable aside from breathing down my neck. I was tempted to extend my hand and say, ""Hi, I'm Amos. I hear you like men who talk a lot. Here's my card.""
But my main reaction was to think it's pretty unfair for a seemingly normal woman to take the dating shortcut of the Internet. I understand how frustrating it can be to see couples everywhere, and how difficult it can be to meet new people, and how you sometimes suspect that guys are a bunch of creeps who listen in on your private conversations in the library. But those of us who make an effort deserve a fighting chance over the guys who cheat by looking online.
You see, women have it tough when it comes to shoes and childbirth, but when it comes to meeting people of the opposite sex, men have the huge onus of having to do the approaching. My female friends sometimes complain about the awful guys who approach them in public, but let's face it: If a guy has the nerve to approach a woman with all of her friends there, the reason he's so confident is usually that he's either a complete narcissist or a barking lunatic. The rest of us either feel inadequate compared to the narcissists and lunatics, or we feel threatened by the committee.
The committee is a concept my older brother sagely explained to me when I was younger. He warned that the problem with approaching women is that it often entails approaching their friends at the same time. In these situations, the object of your affection's opinion of you will be shaped by the views of her pals. Most of the time, we don't stand a chance. Women don't seem to understand how daunting their committees are. That's why I've devised a little educational game.
I call the game ""Man Committee."" It will be like a combination of ""Meet My Folks"" and an alien probing. I sit in a bar with my inner circle, and female contestants have to approach the table and try to pass my committee. Think you're hot stuff? Wait until my most superficial friend, my wisest friend, my closest female friend and my protective roommate have judged you, then see how you get along with my most bizarre friend (see: Joe Uchill, page 6). I'd love to try it out some day, maybe pitch it to UPN.
Maybe ""Man Committee"" could teach single women the perils of the huge traveling pack. Maybe it would only fulfill my fantasy of some day writing a reality column. Either way, it would be fun for me. It must be better than procrastinating and eavesdropping in the library.
amosap@hotmail.com.
