I have lived my whole life believing two things above all: that the Green Bay Packers is the United States' greatest pro sports franchise, and that I hold nothing in common with the National Rifle Association.
The latter of those two views was shattered when I discovered that the NRA and I share common enemies including, but not limited to, David Arquette, The Kansas City Chiefs and the Hallmark Company.
These are only three entries from a 19 page list of people, organizations and businesses the NRA lists deep within its Web site, , as supporters of anti-gun causes and legislation.
I'm a little disappointed to be left out. Apparently, I'm not as high-profile a Second Amendment hater as Doug Flutie, the National Association of Secondary School Principals, the Gray Panthers, A&M Records or Michelle Pfeiffer.
While I'm crestfallen to not be included on my enemy's enemies list, I am also relieved.
Upon being asked by New York Times columnist Bob Herbert how Web surfers might use the list, NRA director of public affairs Andrew Arulanandam gave everyone on the rolls a chill. \How they use the information is at their own discretion,"" he said.
I'd recommend that every celebrity on the list buy a gun for self-defense if that gun wouldn't be 22 times more likely to kill an acquaintance than one of the countless Turner Diaries-reading, gun-stroking loonies that have no doubt perused the list.
While it is obvious why some organizations and celebrities were included, at least one of the five Zappa family members on the list is probably puzzled.
No doubt some listees were cited for supporting the 1994 federal assault weapons ban, which will expire next year if not renewed by congress and the president. I bet they didn't know what they were getting into when they publicly opposed arming private citizens with Uzis and AK-47s.
Or perhaps some of them (maybe even Vinny Testaverde) have lobbied against concealed weapons laws or made the mistake of publicly complaining about an NRA-supported bill currently in congress that would give blanket legal immunity to negligent gun-dealers like Bull's Eye Shooter Supply, the shop that put a Bushmaster XM-15 semiautomatic rifle into 16-year-old D.C. sniper John Lee Malvo's hands and could not produce records of the sales of 238 other guns.
From its length, it would appear that a cross-eyed look at a kid with a BB gun could get a celebrity or group on the list. Most likely, some just didn't jeer Michael Moore loudly enough after the Academy Awards.
If you're wondering what you can do to make the list, fear not. An NRA-counter group has set up at , where anyone can volunteer as an enemy of the NRA.
Sign up at your own risk. You being shot dead would likely make few waves in a country with a 30,000 per-year gun death rate, by far the bloodiest in the industrialized world.
Boy, all this list-reading has made me hungry. Let me look down the list for a company that suits my food fancy and fits my views on gun control...
Ah, here's one, Sara Lee. Mmm, NRA-blacklisted cupcakes.
dlhinkel@wisc.edu.
