Last year, The Daily Cardinal featured a column written by a rotating cast of human sexuality teaching assistants. They offered advice on sexuality, mostly to women, along with occasional misanthropic diatribes. They've been replaced (muted cough).
In the interest of my straight female readers, understandably drawn to my column by that Abercrombie-ish chap in the photo above (more muted coughing), I'd like to take up the advice torch.
Truth be told, I probably know less about female sexuality than most human sexuality TAs. And what I do know probably isn't worth hearing.
But I do know some things about straight men. And as a man who has spent his-and your-share of time at house parties and bars, I'll warn against a genus of men I run into all too often: creeps.
You know them. Some of you are them or are dating them. Creeps are defined by their dominant, and very public, lack of respect for women.
Let's get something straight. America is a tough place for straight men to develop a healthy attitude about women. Maxim magazine and \The Man Show"" complement women's self-hatred magazines like Cosmopolitan, letting guys know where their girlfriends need to lose weight, in case the ladies didn't get the news themselves.
So to be fair, we're not all genetically creepy, but most of us have picked it up somewhere. I have seen it in myself. Indeed, there are also gay and lesbian creeps. But today I'm warning you about straight guys who don't keep their inner-creep in check.
And no, I don't mean the guys who knock down women and steal their shoes. I'll leave that to shrinks.
A creep has no respect for you or your body. He's the guy who whispers an uninvited, sexually inappropriate comment in your ear and instead of apologizing to you, makes sure everything is still cool between him and the guys you came with.
A creep is really that chauvinistic. In his calmer moments, he is often mistaken for ""old fashioned,"" or ""a little conservative."" He's really a full-blown lecher.
Another favorite of the creep is the ass-grab. Attention, male readers: Grabbing strange women's butts is not OK. Unless you are a close personal acquaintance and have clearance to grab, it is unacceptably rude, provided that it isn't an accidental grab brought on by a debilitating amount of whiskey.
You may say ,""D.H., I don't need your advice. I know a creep when I see one."" You may be right. But sometimes they disguise themselves around women. Just because he doesn't smell like a creep, that doesn't mean he isn't one. Be vigilant.
What can we do about creeps?
Unfortunately, our generation is irreversibly saddled with them. The only thing we can do is hope to build a more sexually well-adjusted future through genetics and education. Women, watch potential mates closely for signs of creepiness. If you do let a creep have his way, you may end up with an STD, or worse, a child with creepy genes.
Men, we need to do our part. Next time you see a female acquaintance talking to a creep yet to give up his disguise, kindly blow his cover. After all, it's those cretins that make well-adjusted straight guys look like knuckle-dragging leg-humpers.
And if you're a creep? Congrats, you just spent a few minutes not being sexually inappropriate. Keep up the good work.
