With the end of the football season it is time to address a disturbing trend that has gone without ridicule for long enough. It is the proficiency of fans that embarrass their brethren by plastering their own names on the back of athletes' jerseys.
One who supports a given NFL team will often buy a jersey to show it. It is very popular to wear a Marshall Faulk, Terrell Owens or Donovan McNabb jersey, but never should it be accepted to wear your own name on the back of such players' garb. Does anyone really think that No. 4 on the Packers is \Szulczewski,"" or that the top wide receiver on the Vikings is ""Knipschild?"" Not only does it cause confusion amongst passers-by, but it also makes the wearer open to a barrage of cruel jokes, most of which are warranted.
The first problem with custom jerseys is the simple fact that one puts their name above an established football player. Why is this? Does the tool in front of you in physics think that if he wears a Bears jersey enough then Chicago will subsequently confuse him for one of their own linebackers and invite him to training camp? Or maybe certain people think that they deserve their own jersey as a result of their MVP season in ""Madden 2003,"" a result of their giving themselves a 99 rating in every category.
Arguments could be brought up that wearing a real NFL player's jersey is comparable. There is a fundamental difference, though, between a fan who exhibits their love of Emmitt Smith and a fan who claims to have Emmitt Smith's job. Everyone knows that the Cowboys' running back is not a skinny, white guy who spends his days playing Snood and handing out pamphlets for ASM on Library Mall.
Another, often unrealized, problem with custom jerseys is the fact that one who wears them is letting everyone in the vicinity know who they are. This is an invaluable gift for slackers in the back of class who want to anonymously insult somebody. Even if the poser wises up and buries the jersey in the bottom of the closet, a large group of people will always know their identity. In hostile bastions of fandom this has seemingly unending repercussions. It can be very uncomfortable to sit through a game with such comments as, ""Put in [your name here]!"" coming your way.
To all the people who embarrass their fellow fans every week by placing themselves on equal footing with a team's roster, please repent now and burn your jersey by the time the 2003-04 season rolls around. Together, we can learn from the mistakes of the past and make sure that the names of idiotic fans never again taint the symbols of our favorite athletes.
