A recent reading for our class, Human Sexuality Psy/Soc 160, describes a young couple seeking advice on \where to find the g-spot."" This might not seem so surprising except for the fact that these are fourteen-year-olds who had asked for advice at their local Teen Center in Salt Lake City, UT. You see, they had been having sex for awhile and were looking to increase their mutual sexual pleasure.
We all could learn from these young sexual connoisseurs'they were planning for sex, setting aside time to learn about it, and practicing in order to achieve the best possible orgasms for both partners. Like aspiring wine connoisseurs, they were hoping to turn a hobby into a pastime. This is an endeavor I would encourage all college students to take. Good sex is not something that just happens'you have to have the right time, place and partner to get to the mind-blowing point of ecstasy.
Is this depressing news? Does this mean the end of the quickie? Not necessarily. Even partners just getting to know each other can benefit if one of them knows a thing or two about how to have excellent sex.
Let's take some clues from the wine business: advertisements for wine tasting classes stress the need to cultivate your palate & expand your ""wine vocabulary."" The same could be said for sexuality. Having the right terms, using them appropriately and knowing what works for you and your body are all skills that can be learned and skills that will help you have good sexual experiences. One ad for a wine tasting class states that ""Knowing the language of wine is important, too."" This is not to be underestimated in matters of sexuality as well. One of the key points to our class is that the educated lover is the best lover. Communicating to your lover about the things that turn you on and off is a key component to a good sexual experience.
Certainly there is a difference between just having sex and being a sexual connoisseur. As another wine enthusiast ad states, ""Drinking wine is easy: tilt glass and swallow. Tasting wine is more of a challenge."" The same goes for sex. Just getting laid is easy (o.k., easier for some than others) but truly savoring sex and having an experience worth savoring is definitely more of a challenge.
The ad goes on to state that ""you need special tools; the proper environment, keen concentration, a good memory and a vivid imagination. That's why wine lovers learn to taste."" I would contend that sexual connoisseurs could do the same. Maybe no special tools are absolutely needed, but if they help'well, why not! The proper environment for sex, a keen concentration on the task at hand, a good memory for what pleases your lover, and of course, a vivid imagination will only enhance your lovemaking. Can you do these things while under the influence of drugs or alcohol? Not likely.
The wine connoisseur ad further promises results'""we know that the effort we put into understanding and appreciating wine, as opposed to simply enjoying it, pays big dividends. Really tasting wine adds an extra dimension to the basic daily routines of eating and drinking. It turns obligation into pleasure, daily necessity into a celebration of life."" Oh for our sexual lives to be this inspiring!
At this point we have to ask ourselves some important questions. What do we do to inhibit our ability to be sexual connoisseurs?
Are we in a state where we can fully experience sexuality? Surely having sex with a partner we trust, we are attracted to, and are able to communicate honestly with will more likely lead to a better experience. Let's approach sexuality with the excitement as well as the seriousness that wine connoisseurs approach a fine wine. Be prepared, pick your situations and partners carefully, and make yourself ready and able to experience it fully and soberly. Having sex under the influence is like drinking a rare wine with a Big Mac!
