It's a beautiful day for a column today, a beautiful day for a reader. Could you read mine? Would you read mine? Won't you read my column?
Hello again boys and girls, how are you doing today? Yes, Mr. Rogers is back, as Matt is still working off his debt to The Stones. And guess what? Mr. Rogers has a special guest today to talk about a special time of year. Do you know what time of year it is?
What's that, boys and girls? Wrestlemania? Where were you LAST week? No, Wrestlemania has come and gone. Instead, this week we focus on the men's NCAA basketball tournament, a.k.a. March Madness. Now March Madness is a very important time of year for all of us. First of all, the tournament brings much needed revenue to small desert towns like Las Vegas or Reno that might become ghost towns otherwise. Secondly, March Madness is one of the few bright points in the otherwise depressing month of March. The month either comes in depressing or it goes out depressing, and in the middle it's spotted with sleet, slush, snow and rain. The tournament is called March Madness for a reason'if we didn't have it to distract us, we'd all go crazy.
\I'm getting bored off my [censor] back here!""
Why, that's our guest now! Boys and girls, Mr. Rogers would like to introduce our distinguished guest, Texas Tech Head Coach Bobby Knight! Bobby, thank you for taking time to talk to us today.
""What the hell does that mean? That some kind of crack? You think you could have done better? That YOU could take the Salukies?""
Mr. Rogers was just being polite. Easy, Bobby, we're all friends here, isn't that right boys and girls?
""I'm sorry. I'm always just a little edgy around the press.""
Mr. Rogers understands, that's why he took the liberty of bolting every chair here to the floor. Now then, tell us who some of the teams are to watch for in this tournament.
""Well it's always tough to say since the tournament is full of upsets and underdogs. I'd say Duke is always tough, Kentucky, Kansas, and then there's Gonzaga.""
Gonzaga?
""Oh yeah. Gonzaga, The Zags, G to the Izzo. Look for them in the Final Four.""
You haven't had a chance to follow the rest of the tournament very much, have you?
""Why? Are you calling me a liar? You want a piece of this?""
Calm down Bobby. How did you like ESPN's movie about you?
""I thought it was pretty good, but Brian Dennehy? The fattest man in acting today is supposed to be me? That's an insult.""
Bobby, I see you eyeing that chair. I'll remind you they're still bolted down. Who would you have rather had play you?
""I was thinking Ben Affleck with his hair dyed. Or else Charles Bronson.""
Oh yeah, I can see that. Right boys and girls?
""Why are they laughing?""
Oh you know children, they just enjoy laughing. Oh wow, look at the time, thanks for stopping by Bobby??
""You trying to get rid of me?""
No, it's just that the column is over.
""I'll tell you when it's over. Now sit the [censor] back down you [censor].""
Don't start with me, Bobby, I'll smack the sweater right off?? Did you bring your own chair?
""KNIGHT SMASH!""
Boys and girls? RUN.
Glad you read mine, glad you read mine, glad you read my column.
OUT!
