A girl asked me out to a sorority semiformal. I hated sorority functions, but said \yes."" They are always just an excuse for girls to buy a new dress and get down to ""Dancing Queen"" at some local VFW.
A group of us went to dinner. She offered to pay and gave the waiter her credit card. He promptly returned with accusations of a stolen card. We spent almost an hour clearing up the situation.
We returned, severely late for what would turn out to be a binge drinking mid-February Octoberfest. Sorority girls always force their dates to lock themselves in the girls' rooms and play such thrilling drinking games as Circle of Death and Never Have I Ever'which, by the way, always turns into some sort of slutty contest of sexual exploitation.
We had to drink fast. My date drank like a marathon runner'schnapps, vodka, rum'you name it, she consumed it.
Upon arrival around 11 p.m., we went out on the dance floor. I noticed I had to hold her up for most of the song. Then, like a gift from heaven, I noticed a couch over by the dance floor.
She lay down on the couch with her head in my lap' she had passed out. It was a weird position to pass out in, but as long as she was temporarily stable, it was fine with me.
Suddenly, she jumped up, as if she had been shocked with those paddles you see on ""ER."" She headed for the door saying that we ""had to leave now."" She didn't make it to the door. She threw up all over herself and me, on the hard wood floors in front of the whole sorority.
My nice sport jacket and khakis were ruined, along with her brand new dress. This was nasty-expensive-posh-dinner-and-liquor puke. It ran all down my arm and onto the floor.
She tried to continue towards the door, but found it difficult as she kept slipping in her own vomit. Outside, I tried to preserve some of her dignity by wiping the chunks of food from her chin. The van had to stop midway home for her to throw up out the door.
I got her back to her room, and held her while she visited the ladies' room. That was probably the worst part, but I won't get into that. No one was back yet to watch her. I stayed there while she snored like a bear with a cold. I stayed in the room for another hour until people returned. To pass the time, I watched ""Coming to America,"" which was the best part of the evening.
Last April, a friend of mine said I should get to know a friend of his in Eau Claire, Wis. Since it was never convenient for us to meet, we e-mailed, instant messaged and actually talked on the phone quite a bit. This continued through the summer, and finally in August we both had a free weekend.
We liked each other a lot, and so I met him at East Towne Mall. We chatted for a bit, then he suggested we go to State Street to hang out. He said he'd follow me and I gave him directions if we lost each other. Everything was going fine until I didn't see him behind me anymore! I did some illegal turns, and finally I saw him go past me around the Capitol Loop. I lost him again with a red light, so I went back to my apartment and started calling him from my sister's cell phone. He didn't answer for an hour and a half, until I called from a different phone. He said, ""I got lost,"" and then hung up.
The next day he left me an e-mail saying that he wasn't as attracted to me as he thought he would be, so he just drove all the way back to Eau Claire. Ditched!
The worst part about last year's Valentine's Day is that it basically didn't happen. The day before, I made reservations at a fancy restaurant in town, paid for a horse-drawn carriage and went shopping so I'd be dressed to the nines. This whole master plan cost a fortune, so I had worked nonstop over the period of several weeks to pay for it all.
When I showed up at my girlfriend's dorm room, it became obvious that she had been drinking all day long. She could barely even get out a sentence without slurring her words. I told her that I had an evening of fun and romance ahead of us, but I found out she had other plans'she was too drunk and depressed to do anything but stay in her room, watch old movies and cry. I knew she had been depressed for a while, so I tried comforting her, hoping a night out on the town would do her some good. To make a long story short, we ended getting into a horrible argument and breaking up on Valentine's Day. I felt like shit and that relationship still gives me shudders.
