almanac

Electrical engineering major shoves banana in VCR... again.

Tensions have risen in recent days at the Gamma Delta Beta sorority house due to a malfunctioning VCR, and all sources point towards electrical engineering major Tom Bakerstaff as the culprit.
The trouble began at approximately 11:30 P.M. on Tuesday when a banana was found jammed into the tape slot of the VCR in the basement. The shocking discovery was made by senior Sarah Marston when she tried to put in a VHS tape of “The Lion King”.
“Oh. My. Freaking. God.” said Marston as she tried to scrape mushed banana from the inside of the tape player. “We were just going have a chill girls Disney night with gluten free crackers and hummus.” She shot an angry glance towards the interviewer. “I bet it was Stacy’s stupid boyfriend Tom. He always does shit like this.”
Gamma Delta Beta member Stacy Berk is involved in a controversial relationship with Bakerstaff, a relationship that many of her sorority sisters disapprove of. Tom has been known for “totally pranking” the sorority house in the past, with memorable incidents such as Saran wrapping cars, stretching tape through doorways, and the infamous TP-ing of the house and yard. Even more incriminating is the fact that Bakerstaff has shoved bananas in VCRs in the past.
“Tom Bakerstaff? I know that asshole.” said an elderly bookkeeper at Memorial Libray. “He found the one VCR we still have in this damn place and shoved a banana in it. Worst of all, no one uses it so it started decomposing. There was an entire tree starting to grow when I tried to put in a “Lawrence Welk Show” tape a few months ago and I had to go to over four yard sales that weekend to find a new one.”
Bakerstaff has yet to be apprehended by Alpha Chi Omega officers, but immense pressure has been placed on Stacy Berk to cease relations with him.
“Oh my God, Stacy better dump his ass.” commented sorority sister Jenny Schwarz.
Tom Bakerstaff was last seen gluing pennies to the ground.

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