Following a number of failed attempts by Madison police and UW-Madison to reduce bicycle and other petty theft on campus, MPD Chief Mike Koval issued a statement indicating the department’s new focus.
“To effectively utilize our resources, we must focus on what we can do best,” Kovel said during the groundbreaking press conference. “And we have found that we are damn good at giving out parking tickets.”
The effects of this new tactic are already prevalent on and off campus. Next to bike racks with lone wheels chained to them are rows of mopeds sporting blue tickets taped to their handlebars. On Sundays, as parents flock to the city to visit, a keen observer can spot meter maids lurking in alleys and bushes, waiting for their next victim. While the men and women in blue appear to revel in their newfound productivity, citizens express exasperation.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” exclaimed Will Whisler, a student on campus, upon learning of the police’s new tactic. “This is exactly why I don’t pay my taxes.”
In places such as Camp Randall and the Humanities building, where theft is highly prevalent, students and faculty were disdainful.
“It’s a problem with the system,” explained a professor who choose to remain anonymous. “The police find they can’t combat criminals, so instead they punish the mostly law abiding citizens while ignoring the real issues. I think it’s a problem that my moped was stolen last week but today I received a parking ticket for it in the mail.”
Despite reservations, police departments around the country are adopting the same plan as Madison.
“I think it’s important for us to stop crime any way we can,” said officer David Lang from Detroit, where similar measures were adopted. “If you look at—aw shit…” He trailed off as he watched his patrol car being stolen. “It’s ok,” he assured the interviewer, “we’ll probably get him for double parking in a week or two.”
When confronted with doubts, Chief Koval assured the media that the measures were necessary.
“I just want the public to know that justice will be served.”
