Brandon Dunbar, recluse from northern Wisconsin and expert live action role player, was found guilty of murdering Lacie Pinkerton early Sunday morning, resulting in his sneak points decreasing from 98 to 93.
Dunbar used “The Blade of Endless Shadows” to perform the act, but was spotted by officers because he forgot to use his cloak of disappearance.
James Kelvin, the officer who was responsible for the arrest, recounted his experience with Dunbar, stating, “This was an open-and-shut case. The perpetrator was looking through the victim’s bag for 10 minutes after he committed the crime trying to make room in his inventory for her lipstick, believing it was a fire wand of some sort.”
During the trial, the defendant tried many times to bribe his way out, repeating “God these NPCs are glitching so hard.” The trial was interrupted shortly after it began when Dunbar threw up some dust and tried to crouch away, believing he was in stealth mode, but security on the scene tazered the young man.
The self-proclaimed ninja of the north could be heard grunting, “I should have checked my stats. I thought I was a high enough level for this quest.”
The prosecutor won over the jury by simply asking Dunbar how many experience points he got for the murder of Lacie Pinkerton, to which Dunbar replied, “Only 1250, isn’t that ridiculous? I killed her in one hit. I should have gotten much more.”
At press time, Dunbar could be found in the Nielsville maximum security prison trying to rank up his lockpicking skill to no avail.
