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Monday, June 30, 2025

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Death of English major slow, metaphorical
NEWS

Jon wants asterisk-free trial from companies

If there's one thing I can't stand in this world, it's the completely misleading ""deals"" and ""Savings!"" from all sorts of companies and organizations hoping to dupe us all into literally buying into their scams. It seems like every amazing offer these days has some sort of catch, twist or horrific money-ejaculating pitfall attached that sours the deal in the end. Luckily, my hilarious, prize-winning column* this week will not disappoint. I'm bound and determined to point out all the tips and tricks to help college students catch when companies aren't being completely honest and up front with you.**


Daily Cardinal
NEWS

PETA files suit against UW

Members of the animal rights group People for Ethical Treatment of Animals  will file a lawsuit Tuesday against the UW System Board of Regents for not releasing documents concerning eye-movement research on monkeys and cats.


Detroit Rock City: Badgers Frozen Four Bound
NEWS

Detroit Rock City: Badgers Frozen Four Bound

The last three times Wisconsin was in this position, 60 minutes was not sufficient to decide a winner.Saturday night, it was just enough. The Wisconsin Badgers, for the first time since 2006, are headed back to the Frozen Four courtesy of a 5-3 win over conference rival St. Cloud in the Western Regional Final. There were 7,182 on hand at the Xcel Energy Center to witness the Huskies (15-9-4 WCHA, 24-14-5 overall) twice pull themselves within a goal in the third period before the Badgers (17-8-3, 27-10-4) finally held on to secure their spot in Detroit. ""It feels incredible,"" senior forward and captain Blake Geoffrion said. ""I know a lot of seniors have worked since our freshman year coming in, coming in after a championship team and seeing how those guys work and how hard they work, so for us the opportunity to possibly go to the national championship game, it's an incredible feeling right now. Job's not done yet though.""


Daily Cardinal
NEWS

APRIL FOOLS': Chancellor Martin fails in the field of animal rights

Now I have overheard a lot of you humans talking quite a bit about primate research recently. Especially my human, Chancellor Biddy Martin. She paces around the house into the deepest hours of the night, going on about ""primates"" this and ""I hate those goddamn idiot activists"" that. It has reached a point where I believe that the obvious avenues for debate have been exhausted, and new voices must be sought out.



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