THE BEET
A new Democratic platform
By Jeffrey Brown | Apr. 25No matter how far right the Republican party goes, I vow to remain in the middle.
The Beet
THE BEET
Regular Twitter use found to cause brain damage
By Anupras Mohapatra | Apr. 22The social media platform is not worth the brain rot.
THE BEET
Texas to remove history from curriculum due to inclusion of information
By Mackenzie Moore | Apr. 22State officials are ensuring that students are proud of Texas and the United States by giving them as little access to historical facts as possible.
THE BEET
Big bunny blunder: Easter Bunny delivers plagues in Passover mix-up
By Jeffrey Brown | Apr. 21The holiday icon left more than just candy in some Easter baskets.
THE BEET
The Wheel of Outrage: What it is and how to tune in
By Jeffrey Brown | Apr. 21The exclusive broadcast is free for $10.
THE BEET
Hyperactive second grader suddenly relaxed after packing ‘mommy’s special fruit snacks’ in lunch box
By Mackenzie Moore | Apr. 20He’s a grown-up now.
THE BEET
Taco Bell to start selling weed
By Mackenzie Moore | Apr. 20The fast food giant is cutting out the middleman.
THE BEET
Blessing in disguise? QAnon tells followers to become public school teachers
By Jeffrey Brown | Apr. 19The call to action is intended to “save the children.”
THE BEET
Bald man makes sure to tell every man with a good head of hair to 'enjoy it while it lasts'
By Will Franken | Apr. 18“I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy!"
THE BEET
Pfizer announces special Easter edition Viagra
By Jeffrey Brown | Apr. 16Jesus’ tomb isn’t the only thing that can be hard as a rock this Easter.
THE BEET
Good Friday: The annual celebration of the Messiah’s murder
By Mackenzie Moore | Apr. 15Consider just leaving a bottle of brandy by the altar, apologizing and slinking away.
THE BEET
The Daily Cardinal also hid an egg on campus
By Jeffrey Brown | Apr. 14Leave no building intact.
THE BEET
In Memoriam: Forgetting the life of Donald Trump
By Jeffrey Brown | Apr. 14Now more than ever, we must set aside our differences by pretending Donald Trump never did anything bad.
THE BEET
1888 Presidential Election could be overturned after evidence of fraud surfaces
By Will Franken | Apr. 13Babies, felons and household pets were among the fraudulent voters.
THE BEET
Congress announces bipartisan effort to prevent climate catastrophe
By Jeffrey Brown | Apr. 12Senators are disgusted by oil companies making money off of the environment.
THE BEET
Joe Biden stepping down from presidency to run after ice cream truck
By Mackenzie Moore | Apr. 11The 46th President of the United States is stepping down for a double scoop.
THE BEET
Nomad
By Anupras Mohapatra | Apr. 8I wondered if I was punished for sin; but here I am now, a sinner
THE BEET
ASM elections under protest
By Jeffrey Brown | Apr. 7Students are missing classes to protest the election results.
THE BEET
Stepping on the soapbox: Linguist edition (part II)
By Anupras Mohapatra | Apr. 6“Anniversaries are YEARLY. You don’t celebrate your birthday every month, do you?”
THE BEET
Senate determines Supreme Court nominee unqualified
By Jeffrey Brown | Apr. 5Senators were put off by the lack of either pedophilia or sexual assault allegations.
Listen now
Popular
By Mackenzie Moore
|
05/23/2022
By Jeffrey Brown
|
05/25/2022
By Mackenzie Moore
|
05/27/2022
Tweets by DailyCardinal
Print
Read on Issuu
Popular
By Mackenzie Moore
|
05/23/2022
By Jeffrey Brown
|
05/25/2022
By Mackenzie Moore
|
05/27/2022
Print
