The Beet
THE BEET
Enter Sandman: Adam Sandler’s rec basketball team to join Big Ten
By Mackenzie Moore | Aug. 4No speculation is required to know that Kevin James and Rob Schneider will at least be riding the bench.
THE BEET
Kiss of youth
By Anupras Mohapatra | Aug. 4As I enter my final year, I hope it lasts — but I still struggle to shake the what ifs.
THE BEET
Man who has lost four fingers in fireworks accidents celebrates freedom to own guns
By Mackenzie Moore | Jul. 6Nothing says “I respect this country and its laws” like buying illegal fireworks and setting them off without a permit.
THE BEET
Planned Parenthood protestors begin picketing hospital rooms of childhood cancer patients instead of reproductive clinics
By Mackenzie Moore | Jul. 1“We realized that our favorite part was creating fear in the vulnerable,” said one picketer.
THE BEET
Supreme Court rules themselves emperors of the United States
By Jeffrey Brown | Jun. 27Don’t worry — the Democrats have everything under control.
THE BEET
Majority of Supreme Court justices verified to be musty cow urine personified
By Mackenzie Moore | Jun. 24Ironically, these justices peaked when they were just a twinkle in their fathers’ eyes.
THE BEET
Other queer identities to recognize this pride month
By Jeffrey Brown | Jun. 22There is a whole alphabet of wonderful people who you should be celebrating this pride.
THE BEET
Tempting Fate
By Anupras Mohapatra | Jun. 20I had the best intentions, but does that matter?
THE BEET
Democrats struggle for bipartisan support on gun reform bill
By Jeffrey Brown | Jun. 17The lack of action proposed in the new bill remains too big of a commitment.
THE BEET
Wisconsinites flee to nearest bar as tornado looms
By Mackenzie Moore | Jun. 16Wisconsin bars contain all of the necessities needed to ride out a severe storm.
THE BEET
Freshman year essentials
By Mackenzie Moore | Jun. 10You don’t have to learn the hard way.
THE BEET
Black mold, other dangers ‘part of the college experience’
By Mackenzie Moore | Jun. 9Freshmen, keep in mind that you will develop in such a way that things you once found revolting will simply become “silly.”
THE BEET
Six things you need to know to be safe around Bucky
By Jeffrey Brown | Jun. 6I’ve had to learn the hard way, but you don’t have to.
THE BEET
Stolen Memorial Union Terrace chair snitch to be banned from all neighborhood barbecues, sources of joy
By Mackenzie Moore | Jun. 2The now-ostracized neighbor was known to bring extra wet coleslaw in a poorly-sealed Ziploc sandwich bag to each neighborhood gathering.
THE BEET
Re-naming the animals at Henry Vilas Zoo: Bornean orangutan
By Mackenzie Moore | Jun. 1Orangutans look like hairy, chubby, balding middle-aged men who sit on recliners wearing nothing but tighty whities all day.
THE BEET
Man trying to stop more children from being shot ‘A sick son of a bitch’
By Mackenzie Moore | May. 27Won’t someone think of the politicians?
THE BEET
Lorne Michaels fires entire cast, will turn ‘Saturday Night Live’ into one man show
By Mackenzie Moore | May. 23“Live from New York — I’m Lorne Michaels, and you’re not.”
THE BEET
What you need to know about new UW-Madison chancellor-designee Jennifer Mnookin
By Mackenzie Moore | May. 18Hunka hunka.
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By Jeffrey Brown
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10/02/2022
By The Daily Cardinal Editorial Board
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09/29/2022
By Ellie Bourdo
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09/29/2022
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Popular
By Jeffrey Brown
|
10/02/2022
By The Daily Cardinal Editorial Board
|
09/29/2022
By Ellie Bourdo
|
09/29/2022
Print
