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In September, I knew I was starting what might be my busiest semester yet. With a full class load, a 20-hour internship, a part-time job and student orgs, I felt like there was a shortage of hours in my week. So I decided to train for a marathon.
State legislators are proposing auditing University of Wisconsin System colleges’ relationships with their private foundations, in the wake of accusations that high-level administrators at UW-Oshkosh committed theft by misusing the school’s nonprofit foundation.
Do you ever add something to your Netflix queue and completely forget about it? Or worse, know about your ever-growing line of potential silver screen masterpieces but are too lazy to start something new? You know, when the show’s trailer is staring you in the face, self-consciously wondering why you refuse to give it the time of day. Sure, Netflix tosses a little push notification here and there, but starting a new series requires a very specific mood. Are you ready to get attached to a whole new reality? What if the trailer is actually just the highlight reel? Do you even have time? Your commitment issues are showing.
NEW YORK — Inevitably, Wisconsin’s consistent poor free-throw shooting was going to rear its head out at the worst possible of times. In its 84-83 overtime loss to Florida Friday night, the points that UW left at the charity stripe will leave the outgoing senior class with a flurry of what-ifs, and what-could-have-beens.
After leaving a party her freshman year, UW-Madison student Alexandra Adams was sexually assaulted by a friend she had a crush on.
EDITOR'S NOTE: This article reflects the views of its writer, not of The Daily Cardinal as a whole. It should not have been published, as explained more fully in a note from the management desk, for which we deeply apologize. We ultimately decided to leave the article up, in order to avoid censorship and allow continued discussion and criticism of the piece.
Why do we dream?
I write to address and reiterate the importance of Good Samaritan laws having a more clear and progressive approach to protecting bystanders and the endangered person involved in a dangerous situation due to alcohol or drug use.
MADISON—In the wake of a controversial experiment that saw the starvation death of a test subject, the UW-Madison Department of Psychology concluded that the George L. Mosse Humanities Building is only 6 percent more navigable than the infamous Catacombs of Paris, France.The study, which was set to continue through May 2017, was nixed following the death of Thomas Sutters, a junior at UW-Madison who fell victim to starvation after becoming lost on the third floor of the Humanities Building. Search teams found Sutters’ body after only three days of scouring the labyrinthine structure, a pace many faculty hailed as miraculous in light of the fact that the previous record for locating missing persons in the Humanities Building was eight days.Sutters was one of 10 students who agreed to try their hand at navigating the building for a $10 Qdoba gift card. All of the other participants survived, much to the surprise of department faculty. “Honestly, if we can close an experiment like this with a 60 percent survival rate, we’re golden,” remarked one UW-Madison psychology professor. “We did a test just like this in ’06 with Memorial [Library] and only three of 25 kids made it out.”Project lead Bernard Stenson expressed his condolences to Sutters’ family, adding that they are “lucky to even get the body back at all,” citing numerous incidents of students utterly vanishing in the serpentine building.Luckily for the Department of Psychology, Sutters signed an airtight release form before participating in the study. In addition, the research yielded has been instrumental in the department’s efforts to determine innate human pathfinding ability. “Aside from Mr. Sutters’ death, this experiment has been a huge success,” Stenson said at a recent psychology conference. “We’ve combined our research with studies conducted by the University of Paris in France and found that our very own Humanities Building is only 6 percent easier to navigate than the Parisian Catacombs.” The Catacombs, which in the Dark Ages were used as burial chambers for Parisian dead, have become famous in modern times for their spooky atmosphere and convoluted geography. “It is amazing to have such a useful resource for this kind of research right here on campus,” Stenson noted. “Not a lot of other universities have buildings that are confusing enough to kill students, and I think that’s just another thing that makes the UW so great.”At press time, the UW-Madison Department of Geography had begun recruiting cartographers for an expedition to survey the Humanities Building in greater depth.
It’s football Saturday in Madison, Wis., and the Badgers are set to kickoff at 11 a.m. All around campus, thousands of students wake up unusually early. They head to the nearest dining hall or make food in their apartments. But breakfast is consumed only out of necessity. It’s in preparation for the long day of drinking ahead of them.
Deep in the Redwood Forest in northern California lies a very peaceful, undisturbed bear. Reports indicate that Mike, a 200-pound black bear, is still deep in his winter hibernation, avoiding the many problems that life has to offer. According to Mike’s friends, this months-long nap is exactly what he needed. “He’s been really stressed out lately,” said his lifelong friend, Jerry, last fall. “Catching salmon all day is really starting to take a toll on him. And his first semester of bear college has placed a huge workload on him, too. I think taking a nap for a few thousand hours will do him a lot of good.” Mike, most likely dreaming of honey and attractive lady bears, has been able to avoid a wide array of wintertime problems such as trying to shed the Thanksgiving weight, figuring out what to get his family for Christmas and distracting himself from the fact that he, yet again, will not have a date for this Valentine’s Day.Mike is also known to be quite the activist. “He’s always been very conscious of reminding people of their responsibility to prevent forest fires,” said Mike’s mother, pre-hibernation. “He really feels a sense of duty towards the Redwood Forest, where he’s lived his whole life. It’s almost a part of him, in a way. He really takes after his grandpa Smokey.”The furry “Sleeping Beauty” still has a couple more months to spend huddled up, undisturbed before having to face reality again. However, there is not just busy work and stress waiting for Mike when he wakes up later this spring. This year, his family is reportedly hosting the annual Redwood Forest Fourth of July Bear-beque, which is sure to be an occasion involving copious amounts of salmon, honey and possibly illegal fireworks.
On Tuesday, freshman chemistry student Henry Fischer submitted his most recent exam to be regraded, asserting that his answers were not in fact wrong, but were “alternatively orrect.” During the exam, which took place on Monday a week prior, Fischer discovered that his high school study tactic of spending the majority of his waking hours watching Netflix, and not studying until the night before, had not prepared him to adequately answer questions regarding stoichiometry or the ideal gas law. However, he was still under the belief that his peers “totally did just as bad,” which Fischer thought to himself on his walk back to Sullivan Residence Hall. Thus he convinced himself that every other student had put the same amount of effort toward the exam as he had. It was therefore to Fischer’s surprise that upon opening his Learn@UW account the following Saturday, he discovered a grade of 31 percent and had in fact failed.Believing the score to be “total crap,” Fischer celebrated his perceived success by watching the entirety of “The Office’s” fifth season in one sitting, during which he received a phone call from his mother, Beverly, and affirmed to her that he had done “Fine.” However, when the exams were distributed in his Tuesday discussion, he could not believe that his TA had not altered their grading error and ultimately presented him with his 31 percent exam. It was even more to his dismay that when asked, “When will the retake be?”, his TA informed the class that there was no such thing. Still believing himself to have been cheated, Fischer made the conclusion that it was not his answers that were wrong, but the questions themselves.At the end of his class, Fischer spoke with his TA about his conclusion, and when shrugged off, walked around the Chemistry Building, moving up the chain of command until he “met” with a department faculty member. The faculty member, who wished to remain anonymous, exclaimed their disbelief that someone could be “So far removed from reality as to believe the exam questions were not written in a way that would cover the answers he intended to give.” Such answers include “2,” which instead of being an answer to a question regarding the molar mass of Argon, Fischer attributed to the question, “What Lecture are you in?” While a verdict has yet to be reached, the precedent surrounding the cases of the “Alt-Write” Organization (English majors who believe their essays contained Alternative English, as opposed to grammatical errors) does not bode well for Fischer.
With the release of Process, Sampha, the rising British star who has been working in the shadows for so many years, has finally come to the forefront. His tender voice cries out vulnerable lyrics so raw and honest, they shatter our hearts as if they were made of glass.
Busy people, like us, just don’t always have time for a beauty routine every morning. We wake up late, have class early or just don’t really feel like getting ready. This doesn’t mean we have to leave the house not feeling great about the way we look! Not when you have Vaseline, ready and eager to fix all your beauty problems. The multi-purpose petroleum jelly is an easy way to give yourself a confidence boost to slay the day. Basically, busy people need Vaseline.
Wisconsin’s recruiting has long been predicated on snagging local players from Wisconsin, Minnesota and Illinois. With the prospect of seeing their families and friends at the Kohl Center cheering them on night after night, incoming freshmen are quick to sign with the Badgers. But for D’Mitrik Trice and Aleem Ford, two freshman from IMG Academy in Bradenton, Fla., life with their families is a world away.
A day after the Chicago Bulls’ loss to the Atlanta Hawks on Wednesday, Rajon Rondo felt compelled to respond to the criticisms levied onto the team by Jimmy Butler and Dwyane Wade in the wake of the defeat.
After floundering to a 47-100 record over the past five seasons under head coach Bobbie Kelsey, Wisconsin women’s basketball fired Kelsey, looking for a coach to rebuild and retool the program.
The Big Ten season is finally at the doorstep, and everyone is chomping at the bit to get things underway. There are 126 games before the conference tournament starts, and every team technically has a shot at the regular season title—even Rutgers. The Badgers are the favorite to take the crown, but there are several teams that stand in their way. They'll play each team before the season is through, and a few stand a good shot at beating them.
State Rep. Jesse Kremer, R-Kewaskum, plans to re-introduce legislation that will allow concealed weapons to be carried on UW System and technical college campuses in Wisconsin. UW-Madison students have begun to take action to oppose the legislation before it is voted on.
Amazon Prime recently released the freshman season of “Good Girls Revolt,” a series that tracks a group of women in 1969 who decide to take legal action against a magazine after learning that the gender discrimination taking place in their newsroom is illegal, according to the Civil Rights Act. The women, deemed “researchers,” tirelessly perform the dirty work for the male reporters who publish pieces without crediting the women’s efforts. The magazine bans female reporters, instilling an impenetrable glass ceiling that prevents female workers from becoming the journalists they so desperately dream to be. In the wake of the women’s rights movement, the researchers are inspired to take a stand and fight for their right to write. Amazon announced this past Friday that the original series will be cancelled. “Good Girls Revolt” is rumored to potentially be renewed on a different platform, but Amazon’s decision threatens to end the show permanently.
Solutions by The State News
