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Saturday, July 02, 2022

Double ‘The Bachelorette’ seasons, Double the Fun

All articles featured in The Beet are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.

Double ‘The Bachelorette’ seasons, Double the Fun

Last week the winner of football player Matt James’ heart and season 25 of ‘The Bachelor’ was revealed to be contestant Rachael Kirkconnell. In addition to the shocking finale premier, it was announced that Twitter favorites Michelle Young and Katie Thurston would, together, be the next set of Bachelorettes to grace the beloved franchise. Less publicized but also excited sources share ideas that the producers had in rotation for the upcoming seasons. Here are a few of them: 

1. Just as Rachel was given her dream shopping day and a brand new pair of Louis Vuitton’s, one lucky contestant on Katie’s season will walk out with their ideal sex toy to reflect her memorable debut on Matt James’ series.

2. Due to the lack of match-making success in the past few seasons, the contestants will be able to choose between the two hunks they have spent knowing and a brainless, spineless douchebag with a sick flow. Either way, the result will probably be the same as it was in Clare Crawley and Tayshia Adams’ seasons.

3. Double the contestants, double the budget and double the fun. Contestants will be made to compete in a wipeout style obstacle course. Except if you fall, it’s certain death or a paralyzing shock where you are made to watch the challenge winner make-out with the bachelorette. 

4. Coming in last, which many are most excited for, is a collab with Mark Zuckerburg for contestant background checks to ensure that at least one of them will be problematic — although you will probably be able to tell after the first two episodes anyway, as that will be the man the bachelorette ends up liking the most. 

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