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The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Sunday, July 03, 2022

Panasidis the Great

All articles featured in The Beet are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.

In great Ancient Greece there lived a rabble rouser

Panasidis the Great, he wore a tunic and no trouser

His wisdom was revered nationwide 

A source of great Greek pride

In his prime, a mind that toppled Aristotle, Plato and Socrates

Yet one that was forgotten with great ease

But fear not, to you in this poem I convey

His legend and his way

He spoke and the Acropolis of Athens would freeze

Making way for just his speech and the Mediterranean breeze

Thousands stood before the Parthenon

Listening to great Panasidis go on and on

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While his rivals stood on the pulpit with apple carts

speaking of great virtue and health and the heart

Panasidis presented a cart full of sugar

Telling the masses exactly what they wanted to hear

Besides his speeches at the time, not much was known

How do you deceive if everything is shown?

But one fateful night, he retired to bed early, feeling tired 

Didn’t see day as in his sleep, he died 

His house was swept up by an eager pupil

Who ravaged through each book and even checked the (window)sills

He wanted to learn more of the Great’s ways

but what he found left him amazed

Panasidis the Great lay there naked in bed

Side by side, with a portrait of his head

Indeed his room was adorned with his head busts

It was clear that he was the subject of all his own lust

There also sat in a corner a tunic-adorned lyre

A fitting best friend for a shallowly loved liar

Alarmed, the pupil rushed to the center of the town 

Speaking of all that he found

The lyre in a dress, the busts and the portrait in bed

But no one took him seriously; they thought he’d lost his head 

A vote was taken and the late Socrates sighed

Another skeptic was silenced, another young mind was to die

Once a dissident of Socrates, the pupil could not believe his wretched luck

The mob sentenced him to death like they did Socrates — by poison hemlock 

Those he loved now celebrated as he ailed

Panasidis the Great demagogue and his genius prevailed.

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