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The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Monday, April 12, 2021

Rebirthed band launches headlining tour in Madison, “Seasonal Depression” rocks the Slyvestic

All articles featured in Almanac are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.

With the recent spike in temperatures in the Midwest, it is no surprise that the recently opened outdoor venue, Sylvestic Theatre, started off their business venture with a performance from the local breakout band, “Seasonal Depression.” 

Seas Depresh, or SD, re-launched their punk rock career this Wednesday with some uncomfortably high-pitched screeching, groans of distress, and rampant tapping and clapping. 

The venue, which is essentially a park with some shitty “vintage” chairs, faced slightly-too-cold temperatures and slightly-too-aggressive winds during the set. The weather on the day of the event was just below the point of satisfaction, thus making the situation far more infuriating than if it had been 10 degrees, rather than thirty.

SD didn’t seem to mind however, maintaining their lackluster energy and ridiculous composure throughout their whole performance. 

The set itself was painfully mediocre: generically similar to every other contemporary indie/folk/punk/boxing/rock band that has ever existed, and the vibrant light show couldn’t shake the cold deadness from the eyes of all attending. 

They started off with the beat that make them famous enough to become self-important, “No Natural Lighting.” The tune lacked a sense of urgency, stringing on for a whole 2 hours, which is reflective of the band’s style. 

“Yeah, we started dabbling around in bars and clubs from around October to February this past year, but we just weren’t feeling it anymore,” said lead singer, Noah Sara Tonin. “But now that we took a brief hiatus, we are back and better than ever. We are going to take the Midwest by STORM.”

SD went on to perform a few songs from their new album, Let’s Skip All of Our Prior Obligations. 

Highlights include the intrinsic “Why the f*ck did I pick UW?,” melancholy “I Have Only Eaten Quesadillas For a Week,” and their shockingly poppy “Can You Tell This is a Facade?”

Tonin expressed extreme excitement (well, mild excitement) about the tour, predicting that their jaunt from now until May, where they will hit major hubs such as Milwaukee, Chicago, Detroit, and the Twin Cities, will be the most impactful. 

“We really just want to change lives, you know? And I think we have been pretty successful in doing that.” 

Tonin also hinted at joining forces with the glam rock duo Unresolved Childhood Trauma and power pop group Therapy is for Chumps for a summer, nationwide tour. We as fans can only hope we will get that lucky! 

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