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The Founding Fathers Roll in Their Graves as Donald Trump Screws up Their Greatest Creation

A series of unexplainable events indicate that the Founding Fathers sense foul play in the District of Columbia. 

A baffling avalanche at Mount Rushmore National Memorial that happened to occur at the same time as Donald Trump’s inauguration left visitors scared and confused. The rocks, which were tear-shaped, fell from the tear ducts of the miffed, stone-cold faces of George Washington and Thomas Jefferson. Leaving jagged scratches in the mountainside, it was reported that letters spelling out “impeach him!” were found soon after the rocks fell.

Earlier, when Trump persistently campaigned to protect the Second Amendment amidst a drastic increase in U.S. gun violence, George Washington’s Regulation Model 1766 musket at his historic home in Mount Vernon was mysteriously set aflame. After the flames were taken care of, one of the museum employees caught glimpse of the teeth in Washington’s wooden dentures grinding furiously, a possible conveyance of his annoyance with the great misinterpretation of the outdated Second Amendment. 

George “I cannot lie” Washington, who allegedly cut down his father’s cherry tree when receiving a hatchet for his sixth birthday, is thought to also be connected to a puzzling incident in which every cherry tree in Washington D.C. had been chopped down. This occurred shortly after an interview with ABC News’ Jon Karl in which Trump said, “When I can, I tell the truth.”

More recently, at Benjamin Franklin’s burial ground in Philadelphia, passerbyers were caught off guard when a men’s colonial wig “flew” violently in circles above their heads. Due to Franklin’s key role in the Revolutionary War, a fight against authoritarianism, investigators believe that the flight of Franklin’s wig was a form of protest against Trump’s growing affiliation with authoritarian leaders around the world. 

Though planning for a Donald Trump presidency fell outside the realm of the Founding Fathers’ agenda, recent events suggest their frustration for not being superfluously cautious. Their vision for a country representing liberty and democracy compromised, the Founding Fathers seem to roll in their graves as a cry for help before their greatest creation becomes irreparably ruined. 

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