Imagine, if you will, that the year is 2001. You sit in the theater and watch the credits roll following a showing of the new hit animated film “Shrek.” Tears are streaming down your face. You wish to yourself that the film was real, that you could meet Shrek and Donkey and live in their world. You are insane. However, you’re not the only one.
Just a short 17 years later, this dream is a reality. Devoted “Shrek” fans converged on Madison’s Warner Park on Sunday for the fifth annual installment of Shrekfest, a festival devoted to the cranky cartoon ogre that stole America’s heart.
When you arrive at the park, the first thing you notice is that actual human people have shown up for this. Several hundred people are there, every single one of them wearing green. Many wear green Shrek ears, and a few have painted themselves entirely green. A man walks around in a robe and Shrek ears, carrying several holy books with the beloved ogre on the cover. He is Shrek Jesus. Another man carries a Shrek lunchbox while biting into a raw onion. I ask what’s in the lunchbox, knowing full well that it is just onions. He opens the box to reveal five onions. He tells me he doesn’t even like onions. “I got ogre-zealous,” he says, spitting some of the onion onto the ground.
The festivities kick off with music from a brass band. To no one’s surprise, they play “All Star” by Smash Mouth, a song immortalized by its usage in the original “Shrek” film. It is a massive hit with the crowd, who know all of the words.
When the brass band is finished, the Master of Ceremonies — a man dressed as Donkey — steps up to the microphone and announces the first event of the afternoon: the Roar Contest. Around 15 people step up to the microphone and attempt their best imitation of Shrek’s roar. One of the entrants is the guy with the onion lunchbox. In the process of roaring, he rips his shirt completely off of his body. The crowd goes wild. However, he does not win.
More music follows the Roar Contest, this time from a rock band. They play a series of 90s hits, culminating with “All Star” again. By the end of the song, it is pouring rain and everyone hurries under the roof where a “Shrek”-themed video game tournament is happening. The winner of the tournament receives a blender, with second place taking home a special edition “Shrek” DVD.
Next on the schedule is the highlight of the afternoon, the crown jewel of Shrekfest; it is time for the onion eating contest. More than 30 people grab an onion, hoping to win eternal onion glory. A winner could not be determined after the first round, so the five fastest eaters grab another onion. The second round also proves inconclusive, so the top two must now go head-to-head. Finally, after eating three entire onions, a man is declared the “winner." He is not a winner. He has just eaten three onions.
Following the onion eating contest, Donkey steps up again to announce the winners of the “Shrek”-themed raffle. Prizes include “Shrek” and “Shrek 2” on VHS, “Shrek 2” Junior Monopoly and “Shrek” Operation. By this point, the rain has caused a considerable amount of the crowd to leave. A man jumps up on a table and leads those who remain in a “Shrek” chant.
The final event of the festival is a screening of the Academy Award-winning film “Shrek.” All the while, the rain outside has turned the park into a swamp that Shrek himself may have felt at home in. A couple of guys in Donkey costumes play volleyball in ankle-deep mud.
Shrekfest 2018 may very possibly have been the weirdest thing to ever exist, which is certainly welcomed by the organizers. The official Shrekfest website proudly displays a quote from the A.V. Club touting the event as “the death of irony.” This is an understatement. Shrekfest has violently murdered irony. Shrekfest has done to irony what the alien in the movie “Alien” did to John Hurt’s character.
Who knows what Shrekfest 2019 will bring, but with the fifth installment of the movie franchise reportedly slated for release next year, maybe there will be more to celebrate. Whatever happens, next year’s event promises to be Shrek-tacular.
