Police accepting get out of jail free cards, Koval announces

A "Get Out of Jail Free" card found in a pile of puke outside of Kollege Klub by Cardinal correspondents

Image By: Image Courtesy of Savannah McHugh

Madison police are now accepting get out of jail free cards from the game “Monopoly” as valid for real jail, not just the imaginary jail of the game.

“Well, we just wanted a fun way to get the community involved with prison system,” says Chief Koval, “Community engagement is most important for a police department.”

When asked details about the new program, Koval responded, “I mean, it’s a pretty self-explanatory program. Someone gets sent to jail, they give us a card, they get out.”

Questioned further, specifically about the availability of the cards, Koval had this to say; “There’s one in every copy of the game, isn’t there? Yeah, so I guess anyone with Monopoly can get the card.”

Assistant Chief of Police Randy Gaber elaborated on Koval’s statements, saying that everyone that uses a card will have it taken after it is used.

“It will be given back Hasbro so they can put it in new copies of the game, reshuffling it into the deck if you will. We took inspiration from the game rules on that policy. In fact, most of the inspiration for our department comes from board games.”

The UW campus police will also start accepting the cards in place of taking drunk freshmen to detox.

Says UW Police Chief Roman, “Hey if they’re sober enough to get the card out and hand it to us, they’re sober enough to throw up in their own room. We’ll turn over the cards given to us to the Madison PD, and they’ll turn them over to Hasbro with the ones they get. It’s the circle of life.”

Hasbro was reached out to but declined to comment.

Almanac is our home for satire, sex, creative writing and much more. Satirical articles are intended as such.

Comments powered by Disqus

Please note All comments are eligible for publication in The Daily Cardinal.