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The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Tuesday, June 15, 2021
Bill Gates

Bill Gates excitedly awaits death, biopics

After seeing the most recent film about the life and career of Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, software pioneer and co-founder of Microsoft, is absolutely ecstatic about the biographical films he expects to come out about him after he dies.

“It’s just so exciting to think about all the great movies they might make about me,” said Gates while energetically bouncing around in his seat. “They already have two out about Steve and I’d expect at least that many, maybe even more? It’s tough to say now, but it’d be so cool if they did a couple different ones from all different times in my life and stuff.”

Though Gates only turned 60 this October, the billionaire and influential philanthropist is certain that it isn’t too early to start thinking about the biographical legacy that he hopes to leave behind when his life is over.

“I’m still pretty busy right now but after the next few years or so I won’t be making much new material to cover and then we can really get this creative process going.”

“If they got Ashton Kutcher to play Steve I’m sure they’d be able to get some other good-looker to do me,” mused Gates. “Maybe Matt Damon could do it? Or even Franco? Okay, probably not Franco. Damon would be great though! He’s got the whole smart-guy role down pat, and he’s got my chin!”

At press time, Bill Gates was busily clicking away at a keyboard, sketching out the rough draft and title of the screenplay that he is sure will become a reality not too long after his death. “Unlocking the Gates to the Future,” is expected to open in theaters sometime within the next 20 to 30 years.

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