In the classic 1989 film “When Harry Met Sally” the world watched Meg Ryan perform a theatrical fake orgasm in the middle of a diner. Five years later on Friends, Chandler exclaimed “multiple orgasms!” to end an argument about who has it better—men or women. Chandler was right to be excited about the fact that not only can women orgasm, but they can do it over and over! While we know this about female bodies, oftentimes orgasms get overlooked.
Knowing what orgasm looks and feels like is important for reaching a single climax and absolutely crucial in order to reach many in a row. In simple terms, the sexual response cycle starts with excitement/arousal, continues into plateau, peaks with orgasm and ends in resolution. Understanding our own feelings of arousal, plateau, orgasm and resolution lets us play with these stages and decide if we’re feeling a one-and-done type of night or if we’re up for a medley of climaxes.
While male-bodied folks have a refractory period after climaxing and need to take a 20-60 minute breather (*usually—more on this next week), people with pussies can make like the energizer bunny and keep going and going and going…
The most obvious caveat to having multiple orgasms is that we must first know how to have one. Since I already geeked out on the multitude of magnificence that comes from masturbation last week, I’ll step off my soapbox for now, but it must be said that the best way to achieve orgasm with a partner is to learn how to give them to ourselves.
Here are some sexy strategies to get us moaning like Meg Ryan:
Eliminate distractions:
If a night of “Netflix and chill” turned into a buffet of orgasms (sigh, if only this were always the case) we might find that Walter White’s voice is pulling us out of the moment. Taking a second to cue up that sexy playlist we prepared for just such an occasion might be exactly what we need to bring us back into the moment.
Take deep breaths and think sexy thoughts:
Focus only on breath and the sensations radiating from les goodies. Getting turned on can sometimes be out of our control, but staying turned on is an active process. We should be encouraging our bodies to feel all the feels by thinking all the good (and arousing) thoughts. Letting our minds wander to our stacks of homework or pile of laundry will make us flaccid faster than we can say “organic chemistry.” Breathing heavily also gives our nervous system the oxygen it needs to do its job (its job being getting us off in this instance).
Slow and steady wins the race:
When aiming for orgasms the clitoris should be the star of the show, but it’s important to remember this area is incredibly sensitive—super firm or rapid movements aren’t always best. If a partner is asking for something to be faster or harder (or for anything, really) then by all means we should listen to them, but we’ll do well as the givers and receivers of these orgasmic gifts to remember that patience is a virtue.
While it’s true that women don’t have a refractory period, this doesn’t mean we should continuously stimulate any one area, especially the clitoris. The clit becomes very sensitive immediately after orgasm and it can be painful to the touch; asking our partners how long they need before we make their day all over again is the best way to know how long we should wait.
Don’t stop, get it, get it:
This is important: After one orgasm it’s very important not to cease stimulation all together. The difference between revving back up for another O-face and blissfully drifting to sleep is maintaining stimulation. This is the time when we call up Boots and Diego cause it’s time to explore all the other yummy areas of our partner’s bodies. Tongues could be tracing and lightly nibbling on inner thighs, warm breath could be gently tickling nipples or necks—the possibilities are truly endless. Once we’ve gotten word that it’s time to rally again we can dive right back into delighting our lucky lass.
Switch it up:
If we have a go-to trick that makes our copulating companion whistle like a tea kettle it’s A-OK to stick with what we know, but exploring new avenues could be just the ticket for a heightened hangout. The G-spot is located on the anterior wall of the vagina and it can produce orgasm when stimulated for some people. Inserting a finger or two into the vagina and making a “come-hither” motion is one way to find it. The best ways for a penis to make friends with a G-spot is through positions like doggystyle and reverse cowgirl. We’ll almost certainly get bonus points if we combine these positions with direct clitoral stimulation.
Toy with me:
In the spirit of playing with different sensations, toys—especially vibrators—can and should be a helpful tool. If we just got a standing ovation from the clitoris for our oral performance, introducing a vibrator to the scene just might bring the house down. It’s important to remember that lots and lots of cummunication (hehe) is essential in this and every sexi sitch we find ourselves in.
Get a workout in:
We may think of Kegel exercises as something our grandmother does so she doesn’t pee when she giggles, but the PC muscles used in these exercises have a hotter purpose than preventing incontinence. An easy way to find the PC muscles is by stopping the stream of pee; notice these muscles and practice rhythms of contracting and releasing them. Contracting PC muscles during plateau can be a helpful way to usher along the next orgasm. During orgasm we’ll feel rhythmic contractions happening in the PC muscles; to get the most out of an orgasm squeeze those PC muscles following the first muscle contraction to make the sensations more intense and possibly more drawn out.
Keep in mind:
If something feels good and we think it might lead to us to orgasm we should be letting our partner know! If we fail to give positive reinforcement our partner might switch what they’re doing and this can lead to frustration if that was working for us. If something is feeling good, even if that something is as simple as our hunny’s Levi’s rubbing in the right way, a quick and breathy “don’t stop” will help us maintain that forward momentum.
Putting it all together:
When it comes to cumming there’s no place for quickies; setting the mood and staying focused will lead us to success. There’s something to be said for the classics, but getting creative with positions and toys will have our bed buddy buzzzzing. We can’t expect our partner to do all the work; we should take charge of our orgasms by telling pumpkin when they’re hitting the spot and help them along by utilizing those PC muscles. Orgasms should be like potato chips, you can’t just have one!
Are your friends sick of hearing you complain about your current hookup’s inability to get you off? Anna would love to read your rants at sex@dailycardinal.com
