When I was a freshman and sophomore, most people I talked to used condoms religiously. They slipped up every couple of drunk nights, but almost all of my friends reported using condoms every time with every partner—even the ones who had boyfriends!
In fact, until the middle of my sophomore year I didn’t even know people didn’t use condoms, like, ever. I guess I thought married people used them until they wanted to get pregnant? What an idiot. This was after I started writing this column. How scary is that?
Over the years, I realized how advantageous it could be for couples to quit using condoms once they were completely committed to each other. I mean, very few people enjoy using condoms, and a lot of people are allergic to them, whether it be the latex or the spermicide/lube.
When we have someone we know we can trust (which is nobody, since over 30 percent of people report cheating on their partners and that doesn’t account for the people who lie about it) sometimes it can feel like we should forgo using condoms. After all, if we’re a heterosexual couple and we have birth control we’re comfortable with, we should be able to sleep with our special someone without concern for negative repercussions.
The most fun part about not using condoms (other than not using condoms) is proposing the idea to our partners. We don’t want to ask awkwardly or be shy about it, so none of this: “I have something weird to ask you…” Remember, we’re not telling our partner bad news or asking them something unreasonable! This is the good stuff!
Here’s an example script of how something like this should be proposed: “Babe! Condoms are fascist. I wanna raw dog with you night and day. Let’s both get tested for STIs at UHS for free and then bareback it for the rest of forever/this semester.” See how easy that sounds? Now put your own little spin on it and have fun!
However, we should never feel pressure to say yes to our fornication friend, especially if we question their or our own level of commitment. We should feel comfortable telling them no, and if we aren’t, maybe the power dynamic in the relationship should be re-evaluated. We need to be with people who respect our boundaries or else dump they a$$.
If we do end up throwing caution (and condoms) to the wind, we need to remember to make super sure that we’re checking in with our partner about other sexual encounters they may have, just to keep ourselves as safe as possible.
Also, more anecdotally, I have tons of friends who have one-night stands and stop using condoms after the first round of playtime. My message to them is: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? People are full of microorganisms and bacteria and until we know that particular person, we can’t know what they’re carrying. Read a book, people!
Don’t know how to use a condom correctly? Email email@example.com and Alex will give you an extremely personal private demonstration.