Ghost of Edwin Witte dismayed by tarnished reputation of dorm bearing namesake upon return

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The ghost of economist Edwin Witte broke the chains of death and made an appearance in Witte Residence Hall Friday night.

While floating through the doors with hopeful eyes, Witte appeared to be horribly let down by the reality of the dorm and the lack of decorum he encountered.

“How did this happen? I thought Witte Hall would be a place where students would discuss ways to further their education in a safe environment,” Witte said in an ethereal, frustrated voice just as a ball passed through his translucent head and splashed into a cup. “The supply of alcohol here is massive yet the demand is unquenchable,” the spirit whispered with obvious satisfaction at his knowledge of economics.

When blood still coursed through his mortal veins, Witte graduated from UW-Madison in 1909. He acquired a wide variety of accomplishments including being an economic advisor for FDR, ultimately causing him to be honored by UW-Madison as the namesake for Witte Hall.

Despite his noticeable displeasure with the way the hall is run, Witte Hall students didn’t hesitate to voice their love for its founder. Especially freshman James Miller as he continually tried to embrace the ghost.

“Oh yeah, he’s a fucking legend around here. I bet back in his day he could pull so hard,” Miller exclaimed as he took swigs out of his water bottle. “I never leave my floor without taking shots in his name.”

Witte reminisced about his experience at UW-Madison and gave Cardinal reporters a brief glimpse into his past.

“I remember when I was a resident George Sellery and I would fool around, drinking fine wine and discussing the ideological difference between Aristotle and Machiavelli,” Witte moaned with an air of nostalgia.

Witte will be taking steps to ensure his hall gets more disciplined in the next few weeks and will also be contacting George Sellery to ensure his ghostly friend does the same.

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