-Haven’t gotten down from the top of this tree on State Street since Saturday night
-Traveling to Lexington and dropping a flaming bag of poop in John Calipari’s sunroof
-Wearing my father’s old Kirk Penney jersey which has beer and I think jizz stains on it
-Notifying Kentucky’s starters that the National Semifinal has been rescheduled for April 12th
-Not paying attention to the Milwaukee Brewers for now
-Praying to The Lord, Our Savior that we win it all as most players have indicated that works
-Rooting for Minnesota in the NIT, patronizingly
-Captivating and training wild badgers to savagely murder wildcats, huskies and alligators
-Pondering why University of Arizona students were rioting at all
-Shouting anticipatory deep, hurtful insults at Shabazz Napier and Scottie Wilbekin
-Calling Marquette fans and ironically asking them how their postseason is going
-Memorizing every word to “One Shining Moment” to impress fellow party guests Monday night
-Slandering “Big Blue Nation” in permanent marker on bathroom stalls across the state of Kentucky
-Politely asking Jerry Jones if he will direct a laser pointer into the Harrison twins’ eyes when they shoot
-Spreading rumors about Julius Randle’s impotence
