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The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Thursday, March 28, 2024
Adam Paris Columnist Mug

Fantasizing about the next big ‘Twitch Plays’

Anyone who decided to try out the Internet this past week likely stumbled upon the popular “Twitch Plays Pokemon” stream that just finished up a few days ago. Although it may have taken over everyone’s lives and provided the one reality show that actually seems worthwhile, the dramatic conclusion merely spawned a fresh stream of “Pokemon Crystal.”

For the non-indoctrinated out there, Twitch is a video game streaming service. Someone rigged the chat system to allow viewers to input commands into “Pokemon Red” so that they can proceed. It’s already spawned a number of other knockoffs, including “Mario” and “Street Fighter,” but I thought I may as well throw out a few other suggestions that might be entertaining to see the tepid mobs try to control.

“Twitch Plays NHL”

People have a hectic enough time controlling a team individually, now imagine the insane amount of inputs required for thousands of people to somehow collectively score a goal in the difficult hockey franchise. You could even set up matches against a separate stream so the computer doesn’t mop the floor with you. Getting into fights would probably be the easiest portion to even consider managing, so I would expect a host of those.

“Twitch Plays Typing of the Dead”

Pretty self-explanatory—endless opportunities for screwing each other over. I can see any attempt to run through this typing tool ending in nothing but ceaseless anarchy, devolving into zombie hordes biting into Detective Washington’s face over and over. That being said, the one group that does finally make it to the end would probably be hailed like actual heroes from a zombie flick.

“Twitch Plays Super Meat Boy”

Otherwise known as masochism, trekking into this platformer would require the knowledge that beating anything beyond maybe the first level is a feat unto itself. Lightning fast platforming probably isn’t the best genre to unleash onto the Twitch masses, but it would be hilarious to see the final replay of a single run. I’m envisioning an all-encompassing slab of meat collectively falling to its death until one tiny speck manages to reach the end. Yum.

“Twitch Plays Civilization”

Creating your own society would actually be fairly well-attuned to Twitch. Providing extensive time to determine what your next move would be, “Civilization” seems like it could almost work as a proper team-building activity for all of the streaming service. Then again, I could also see it spiraling into a continual cycle of cities engaging in warfare far before they’re developed enough to have more than a few farmers grabbing their pitchforks and heading over to throw them at fortified city walls. The latter does sound more realistic, I guess.

“Twitch Plays Defense of the Ancients 2”

With a community that is perceived as one of the most toxic in gaming, “DOTA 2” is known for uber-competitiveness that results in a fair amount of shouting at any new players. It also requires almost pitch-perfect reaction time and a copious amount of clicks while onscreen. I have literally no idea how this would work or whether it would. However, if someone could create a “DOTA” match composed entirely of Twitch players, I’m fairly certain the confluence of these two groups prone to anarchy might create an online apocalypse.

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Twitch Plays will probably be a fad. Assuredly it will continue to attain some level of viewership, but I fully expect it to fall off fairly precipitously in the coming weeks. Whatever the case, it’s always worth concocting stupid applications of the concept that would end up being wildly amusing.

Have your own idea for a “Twitch Plays” game? Pitch it to Adam at arparis@wisc.edu.

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