For Sale:
Home-made satin sex swing—“Gloria” needs to find the right home. Only selling because I can’t keep it up these days. This baby has been my pride and joy since ’79. I know she will rub your bare, sweaty skin just as she did to mine four times a week for the past 35 years. $400 obo. Contact Gerry, stickdick14@aim.com.
Piece of shit cell phone—Wow this thing is an absolute crap block. 10 bucks, no negotiations, call 224-234-9647 and I’ll meet you somewhere sketch.
Services
Personal wake-up service—I’m certified by the NBCWCAA in several techniques of personal waking services. My last client recently moved to Botswana, so I’m looking to wake someone else up everyday ASAP. Rates are reasonable. Call 354-555-9090
WANTED: Bath buddy—I can’t take bubble baths by myself due to a slight water allergy. In need of someone, m or f, who can just sit in the tub with me, maybe massage me? Hehe. Inquire at 608-555-2356, pays $20 per session.
Cars & Vehicles
Galactic Empire AT-AT—In dire need of an Imperial Walker for rebel purposes. Will pay any price up to 2,500,000 Galactic Credits. To fight back against certain oppressors currently overtaking Madison, this AT-AT is a must-have. Contact your local rebel fighter in a local cantina if you have the hook-up.
