Zoe Corbin, junior: Zoe Corbin snapped an immaculate selfie over break that has served as her Facebook profile picture for two weeks. The picture currently has 112 ‘likes,’ receiving 77 on the first day it was uploaded. As a result, Corbin has seen a spike in friend requests, accepting, on average, three per day since Jan. 16. The picture’s very existence is a product of Corbin’s perseverance. Corbin snapped and deleted 67 selfies before striking gold with her current photo, an awe-inspiring image Corbin claims has not been retouched or filtered. Corbin’s try-try-again mentality has made her a hero to us all.
Dustin Cunningham, senior: As the clock struck midnight on New Year’s Eve, Dustin Cunningham found his mouth pressed against Wendy Firth’s puckered lips. It was Cunningham’s first kiss, and it came at crunch-time. Cunningham and Firth were introduced only minutes before the ball dropped. With the clock ticking down, Cunningham abruptly stopped talking about his World of Warcraft career and stared intently into Firth’s eyes. He went 90; she went ten, and the rest is history. Cunningham became more than just a man that night. He became a hero to us all.
Robert Bresner, sophomore: Robert Bresner did not get caught beating off a single time at his parent’s home in suburban Illinois during his stay there over winter break. Despite smacking the salami on a daily basis, Bresner’s actions went completely unnoticed for three weeks. Bresner skillfully covered his tracks, owing his success to an obsessive attention to detail. Not a single crusty kleenex was left behind. Nor were any stray globs of lotion left to dry on the carpeting. Bresner left nothing to chance, making sure the house was empty before choking the chicken and always deleting his internet history afterward. His hard-on work and dedication have made him a hero to us all.
