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The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Thursday, March 28, 2024
Dirty Bird

The Dirty Bird: Fly home from SOAR with the birdy’s tips for freshmen

First things first, new Badgers: Congratulations! You’ve finally made it to the wonderful University of Wisconsin-Madison, where fun grows on trees and new friends come at you in droves. Yay!

Luckily, no matter what you like or who you are, there will be people at UW who will understand and value you. Some of these people will become friends, while others will become romantic partners. Keep an open mind about everyone; you never know where you’ll find your new best friend or that special someone. 

As with any big transition, life at Madison can be a lot to get used to, especially when it comes to sex and relationships. Fortunately, I’m coming to you as a sexual-health professional and similarly scared-shitless student to bridge the gap between college and high school sexpectations. 

Many factors contribute to the complexities of dating in college. Now that we all live with roommates instead of our parents, romantic relationships have the potential to escalate quickly. Additionally, the freedom to spend as much time with a romantic partner as we want can be exciting but difficult to manage. We may also have a hard time balancing making new friends and finding new dates on a campus as large as ours. 

Because the daunting dating scene here is so vast, let’s break it down. Below are solutions to the two most common dating problems, as asked by Wisconsin students, encountered here in Madison. 

Problem: Blurry lines or no lines at all

At the University of Bucky, there are a wide variety of romantic or sexual relationships that are ambiguously named, providing high levels of confusion. The terms “hooking up” and “friends with benefits” are absolutely on the radar here. We should make sure we know what we want and what our bedroom buddies “are” to us to avoid anybody getting their feelings hurt.

Because the question of whether or not our flavors of the week are our boyfriends, girlfriends or just friends may have a potentially hurtful answer, many people simply avoid asking the question. Although there is nothing wrong with an ambiguous relationship, being in one genuinely bothers some people. 

Solution: Uncertainty can be no fun

In times like these, we should put on our big-kid pants and take one of three paths. 

If we are unsure of what we want, it is important to have a conversation about our potential relationship with our partner. We should let our special someone know about our uncertainty and work out together what is best for everyone involved. 

However, if we are confident in what we want and things we are not willing to compromise about, the best way to start talking is by telling our partner what it is we want. We should say it calmly, positively and with enthusiasm, without accusing our favorite friend of anything they did or did not do. 

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Finally, if we are OK with going with the flow, we should go with the flow! Only push if distinguishing our relationship status is important one way or the other. 

It is important to keep in mind this “progress” can be gradual. Although many college relationships go from “friends” to “hooking up” to “dating” to “in a relationship,” it is vital to do whatever makes us feel most comfortable, fulfilled and happy. We should not put unnecessary pressure on our partners or ourselves! Remember, there is no right way to do anything in college; there is only the way that feels best for us. 

Problem: My high school relationship is bogging me down

High school rocked, I know. And yes, our girlfriend or boyfriend from back there is just superior in every way to everyone we’ve ever met in Madison. We have all been there, done that. However, there is no doubt having a ball and chain—whether on campus or hundreds of miles away—is a bad idea. 

Sure, it might work for a while. It might even last forever. Still, the likelihood of making friends (especially of the gender we’re attracted to) at school when you are committed to someone far away is lower than if we were single. And friends are the best! They help us grow, solve problems and decrease the inevitable homesickness that comes within our first few weeks of school. 

At such a big, friendly university, it is important to keep our options and our minds open. While that high school person may seem like “the one,” we may look back and wish we had taken better advantage when living in the dorms or in our early classes. 

Solution: Ditch the high school beau

Although it may be painful, it is important to remember we can get much more out of people surrounding us than those (unconsciously) holding us back while we do the same to them. It is unfair to hold our hometown hunnies and ourselves back from many of the important college experiences—not only sexually but socially as well—every student should get to have. 

I know this seems harsh, and it is hard to let go of somebody we have loved and are still in love with, but we will have less to miss and more to gain—such as a partner who lives down the street and we do not have to say goodbye to every other weekend—if we cut our commitment early on. 

Once again, congratulations. Make these years count. Whether that means figuring out what you like solo sexually, sleeping with everybody on your floor or waiting for someone special, remember these four years are your opportunity to experiment! Take advantage of the selfishness allowed by this age range before you have commitments outside of yourself. 

Good luck this year! If you have any questions regarding sexuality or relationships, shoot me an email at sex@dailycardinal.com, and I’ll do my best to work through it with you. 

Alex will be writing The Dirty Bird throughout the semester. Look for it every Monday here on Page Two to read tips and advice about sex, sexual health and relationships.

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