With the silence from renowned author J.K. Rowling in regard to writing an eighth installment in her hugely popular “Harry Potter” series now reaching a record 2,191 days, fans of the series (known affectionately as “Muggles”) are reportedly “reaching their breaking points,” according to book publisher Scholastic.
“The movies and the ‘Deathly Hallows’ epilogue only satisfy you for so long,” said UW-Madison student Sarah “Luna” Lovegood. “I just want a solid ‘Harry Potter’ book to read and enjoy. Is that too much to ask?”
Reports later surfaced that Lovegood was seen on University Avenue brandishing a fallen tree branch while screeching “Accio Harry Potter 8! Accio Harry Potter 8!” at passing cars.
“I don’t have an addiction to the actual books or anything,” defended fellow student Albus Jones, who legally changed his name when “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows” hit store shelves five years ago. “It’s just that ‘Quidditch Through the Ages’ and ‘The Tales of Beetle the Bard’ are nowhere near as good as the originals. I’ll bet you a Butterbeer that any true fan of the series would tell you the same thing.”
Despite the launches of a “Harry Potter” theme park in Orlando and the web-based experience Pottermore, muggles are still yearning for another entry into Rowling’s legendary series.
“I miss the books too,” admitted an anonymous UW-Madison professor who secretly calls himself “Snape, the Potions Master.” “At this point, I would be happy if book eight ended up being Ron Weasley’s diary.”
