The United States of America Committee convened Thursday seeking to relieve Wisconsin of its control over the weather, potentially ending years of meteorological irresponsibility by the alcoholic state. The committee was forced into action Tuesday when a drunken Wisconsin passed out at the weather control panel, unknowingly catapulting regional temperatures to record highs and allowing a rogue thunderstorm to cross state lines.
“There is absolutely no excuse for the way Wisconsin is treating its citizens,” member state California said to reporters after the committee adjourned. “The way Wisconsin is running his weather has me baffled.”
The state’s latest wild weather incident may be the last straw concerning the committee’s decision, coming right on the heels of a blizzard that allowed nearly 20 inches of snow to fall in late December, followed by a deep freeze one month later. Reports have surfaced that Wisconsin and his close friend Minnesota were apparently on road trips to warmer climates on both occasions, effectively neglecting their meteorological duties. Critics also claim that Wisconsin takes numerous vacations in the summer, allowing mosquitoes to swarm the state while the sun sends it into drought.
At press time, Wisconsin announced that it has plans to rectify the sudden warm-up with a foot of new snow followed by a barrage of subzero temperatures, apologizing to his citizens for “not having a traditional January.”
