I’m sure many of you took part in the Halloween shenanigans around Madison this past weekend. Whether it’s getting freaky on State Street or simply putting on a costume and drinking until morning, Halloween brings frightening stories every year.
So I decided the best way to deal with the insanity of Halloween is to accept its inevitability, and be remorseful on Monday. This is a note I wrote to myself pre-rowdy weekend. I think most of you will be able to relate.
Hey Buddy,
It’s Monday. I know it shouldn’t be. But when you can’t get out of bed until the middle of the afternoon Sunday for fear you might fall over, well, it’s really no surprise you feel like hell right now.
Why do you do this to yourself? You knew how much homework you were supposed to do this weekend. You certainly knew that consuming gross amounts of alcohol wasn’t going to help you get anything done, but you did it anyway.
Honestly, I can’t blame you at all. Halloween is just way too much fun to not get a little bit crazy.
I’m not necessarily advocating that you drink yourself silly and don’t do your work. In fact, right now you’re feeling the effects of going overboard.
I know that Halloween is a holiday you look forward to pretty much all year. So why do you drink so much that you forget it?
Well, I suppose it’s pretty hard to control the primal urge of all out partying. Regardless, I hate you.
Now look what you’re going to have to do this week. Not only are you still working off the last remnants of a two-day hangover, but you literally did nothing but drink and act like an idiot over the weekend. Essentially, you’re screwed in each of your classes.
What would your parents think if they saw you right now—curled up into the fetal position, still in costume, your eyes hurting too much to open? They would probably wonder where they went wrong.
You are probably feeling guilty now. It’ll go away. It always does. When you woke up this morning, you said in a low,strained mumble, “Never again.” But you know that isn’t true.
It’s misguided to think that you will never go bonkers on Halloween again. You aren’t changing your ways anytime soon my friend.
So where do you go from here? Well maybe you should start thinking about what to do next time Halloween rolls around.
One idea might be to get some work done ahead of time. Procrastination and booze is a recipe for disaster, as you know firsthand.
I mean, go ahead and act as crazy as you want if you don’t have anything else to do. But considering this is never the case, you should probably get something done next time before the drinks start flowing.
Oh one more thing. I know you’re wearing a T-shirt, or no shirt, or whatever will make you as cold as possible. I’m sure you looked real manly, but come on. Every Halloween you halfway freeze yourself. Can you at least wear a coat outside next year? Nobody really cares about your costume while in transit anyway.
Well have fun feeling miserable for the rest of the day. Maybe your head will start feeling better at some point.
Yours truly, Me.
Every year I tell myself before Halloween weekend that I won’t do anything too stupid, obnoxious, reckless or scary. I don’t remember the last time I actually heeded this scheme—probably around when my mom would hold my hand while trick-or-treating.
There’s no reason to kid myself anymore. Halloween will always cause me to do things I shouldn’t. I’ll be dressing up and drinking spiked cider until my children put me in a nursing home no matter what my smarter self says.
That Sunday-morning headache still pounding? Email Andy at holsteen@wisc.edu.
