I don’t obsessively keep up with the entertainment world. New remake of that one fantastic campy-cult show from the ’80s? Probably never even saw the original. New album by that one sexy flannel-wearing indie band? Please excuse me while I turn up my Al Green.
In essence, I’m not a Twilight nerd and I don’t have the energy to plan my nights around the newest episode of “Glee.” That being said, there are only a few things I am peeing my pants in anticipation for: Metric’s newest album, the resurrection of “Arrested Development” and the updated MacBook Pro.
Even so, this wasn’t the case until fairly recently. I used get pretty giddy over a Twin Cities-based rapper called Astronautalis, known in real life as Andy Bothwell.
I didn’t know much about him when my friend Steffi and I saw him perform at The Sett last February. He took the stage with nothing more than a microphone and a laptop. Even so, his charm and energy made up for his lack of backup.
During the show, he jumped into the crowd multiple times, made small talk with fans and even freestyled on topics the audience suggested. His sweat dripped onto Steffi and me as we bobbed our heads to the beat. Droplets of his sweat! On me! How exciting! It was love at first verse.
We met him after the show and I was too awestruck to say anything. To add to my excitement, he rode the same bus back to Minnesota as Steffi the next day. I was extremely jealous. Thanks to Steffi though, I was pretty sure (okay, only kind of sure) I knew the direction of Astronautalis’ house in relation to the parking lot in Minneapolis where the Megabus dropped him off.
Throughout the week to follow, I listened to all of his albums and searched the Internet for every review, interview and tidbit I could find regarding his life and his music. His Twitter account was a gold mine of information and I would check it multiple times a day for updates. I even tweeted at him a few times, once about our mutual love of whiskey (which I found out was his favorite drink after reading his blog). He never responded.
Like many listeners before me, I was falling in love with a man I didn’t even know, thanks to his music (and tweets to the world). Various super-creepy questions whirled through my brain. Where does he live? Does he have a girlfriend? If no, will a 12-year age difference be a big deal to him? Is he into college girls?
I was turning into a monster.
Through my creeping, I was pretty sure I found out what Target he shopped at and the color of his next door neighbor’s house. This information would be crucial in my plan to “accidentally” bump into him in Minneapolis, which would naturally lead to him immediately falling in love with me.
The next weekend I went home to Minnesota and coincidentally, Astronautalis was performing. I had to see him again. I had to meet him again.
Steffi and I were again the crazy girls in the front row, dangerously close to flinging our bras at him while performing. And this time when he took suggestions for his freestyle rap, we were there to suggest the silliest topic: short girls (which we are). And he did it! He rapped about short girls!
Despite my post-concert excitement, when I met him again, I gained some perspective. As much as I thought I loved Astronautalis, I realized it would never work out between us. I knew him as a rapper, not as a person. I was the definition of a crazed fan. Gross.
And that is a reason I don’t generally keep up with new releases and new entertainers. You can’t get invested in the people because they will always be unattainable – even the ones who tweet a lot.
I still listen to his music often, but I no longer obsessively check the Internet for Astronautalis updates. Even so, it was hard to miss the announcement of his new album, where he will be collaborating with Bon Iver. What I said before about those sexy flannel-wearing indie bands… just forget it. Their album is definitely one more item to add to my very short list of releases to excitedly anticipate.
