TUSCON, ARIZ.-Just two weeks before the hotly contested Republican primary contests in Arizona and Michigan, Mitt Romney has been hit with stunning allegations that he has a personality.
During a campaign stop at a Starbucks in Phoenix, the usually stoic Romney hurled his coffee cup at an unsuspecting barista. According to store manager Missi Lemons, the candidate was upset about a mix up with his drink order.
"One of the more liberal baristas thought it would be funny to give Mr. Romney soy milk in his chai tea latte instead of two percent milk," Lemons said. "We all thought the candidate was going to be his usual self and remain passive, but instead he decided to take action and get all pissy."
Lemons, once an ardent Newt Gingrich supporter, said the coffee-throwing incident helped her to decide who she will cast a vote for in the Feb. 28 primary.
"After witnessing Mitt's valiant reaction to the prank, there is no question that this man has the strength and ardor to defeat Barack Hussein Obama come November," Lemons said.
Adding fuel to the fiery allegations, Romney was caught weeping during a Valentine's Day showing of "The Vow" at an AMC multiplex in Grand Haven, Mich.
"He was all alone in the auditorium, gorging himself on a giant tub of popcorn and bawling his eyes out," says 16-year-old movie usher Michael Walton. "I told him I was a big fan and asked if he needed a box of Kleenex. He told me to ‘fuck off.'"
The last in a series of personality flashes, an unnamed source spotted Romney in rare form at Sen. John McCain's Grammy party last Sunday. The source told the Cardinal that Romney "had this huge, really awkward grin on his face during Nicki Minaj's performance."
"He was really freaking into it," the source said. "I would be lying if I told you his reaction did not make me feel just a wee bit uncomfortable."
