Last Monday, Madison Area Technical College President Bettsey Barhorst asked for structural reforms similar to what UW-Madison and Chancellor Biddy Martin have been working toward the past few months.
Known as the New Badger Partnership, Biddy's plan would put the university under a public authority structure. This means the university and Gov. Scott Walker (or whoever the governor is next January) would be responsible for appointing a 21-member board to oversee the operations of UW-Madison.
As to why MATC thinks it deserves this is beyond me. (I'm sure they're just jealous of the big cousin down the road.) But quite frankly, this is Page Two, so it doesn't need an explanation.
What does matter, however, is my future. And if MATC can get public authority status, why can't I?
To be honest, my current personal administration model is way out of wack. I'm forced, on a daily basis, to weed through layers of bureaucratic self-processes, running thoughts and ideas through my mind, heart, soul and stomach before a reasonable decision can ever be made. The current system clearly has failed and is preventing me from reaching my full potential.
If I am to remain competitive in today's world, I too will need to be placed under a public authority model. The New Bennett Partnership is a plan that will allow me to continue to excel for decades to come. Just like Biddy's plan, this NBP will create a 21-member board to oversee my daily functions and decisions. And just as 11 of those members in the university's model would be selected by the governor, the highest authority in the state of Wisconsin, my high authority, Morgan Freeman, will also appoint 11 representatives for my board. From there, however, I remain responsible for finding 10 additional able-bodied souls.
A few ideas come to mind:
Samuel Todd Stevens
OK, so he isn't my first choice. But the fact of the matter is, Todd, my ex-opinion editor/ex-managing editor/soon-to-be ex-arts editor, was one of the first to catch wind of the New Bennett Partnership. When he asked whether he could be on the board, I boldly declared ""yes"" before I could even begin to think about what I was saying.
But, I am a man of my word. And so, I look to Todd Stevens as the force in my life regarding all things Minnesota and baseball hats.
Obvious choice here. I mean, look at what he does year-in-year-out with the rag-tag group of players he gets. Any guy who can take Joe Krabbenhoft and turn him into a star is a prime choice for my moral compass. Surely, Bo could take even my shittiest day and turn it into an episode of ""Sesame Street.""
Strange choice? Most definitely, but hear me out. Kanye would only make up 1/21 of my decision making ensemble. Surely there's nothing he alone could do to completely eff up my life. (Unless, of course, Bo Ryan has it out for Beyonce.)
What Kanye would bring to my life, however, is that spark of spontaneity—the ballsy moves my decisions today too often lack. With just a pinch of Kanye's unbeatable cockiness, I'll have the guts to make those tough decisions in life. (But yes, according to Barack, this would result in me being 4.76 percent of an asshole.)
Anyone who has ever watched ""The Price is Right"" knows this guy as your friendly, bearded diabetic. But let's face it, this man has an unbeatable asset: memory. He's always on TV reminding me to do things (like check my blood sugar), and God knows my memory is awful. With Wilford on the NBP board, I could forget about my memory issues.
Additionally, Wilford will be my quality-control guy. Not only will he be there to make sure I check things, but he will ensure I check them often.
I have simply become an outdated system of self-governance. I'm inefficient and no longer meet the demands of the 21st century. With public authority status, however, I can once again compete as true world player.
Mark is now accepting applications for the remaining six spots on the NBP board. All those interested should send a one-page cover letter and résumé to email@example.com.