I was interning at a newspaper in Santa Barbara and a friend and I needed sweet Fourth of July plans. My friend knew someone interning with Google, so we stayed in San Jose for the weekend with computer nerds and smoked a lot of weed. There was a two-day period when I smoked so much weed I didn't say a word. This is what I remember: There was a fire in Chinatown, a bowl of clam chowder in a bread bowl and we couldn't see the fireworks through the fog.
I decided to smoke with a friend who has a pale complexion and pointy canine teeth. None of our friends were in town so we were like, ""Let's go smoke by the library!"" We ate Pringles and Oreo Cakesters. She also convinced me she was a vampire and chased me around the library lawn.
The first time I was high was during a family Thanksgiving dinner.
My mom and I were going to drive to Oshkosh to surprise my dad and sister who were already in town. Then my mom said, ""I have to tell you something. Tonight when we're up north, we're going to get high together as a family."" So once we arrived in Oshkosh, we sat in a circle and smoked weed together. That's when I realized I'm the least pothead of my whole family.
The first time I got high, my friend and I were driving back from the park where we'd been hanging out all day. He got pulled over. He and I commenced to freak out as the police officer walked up next to the car with a flashlight. My friend rolled down his window and said, ""What seems to be the problem, officer?"" This caused me to cringe uncontrollably. The police officer, after peering into the car and staring at me for what seemed like 10 minutes, said, ""Your headlights aren't on.""
I almost got pulled over with a contact high once because my friends had smoked three bowls in the car. I thought three was a little unnecessary, but according to them they smoked ""two for survival and one for style."" As I pulled to the side of the road the cop passed by on his way to pull someone else over—a very good thing because we had another ounce of weed with us.
I once got high in the back of a bus that yodels when you press the horn.
My roommates were high with one of our friends. She was reading an instruction manual and started to freak out because she thought she'd forgotten how to read. Later she realized she was reading the German instructions.
One of my roommates' friends was over and we were all high. The friend started laughing uncontrollably and told the rest of us in between laughs that we had to stop talking or looking at him so he could move again.
One time in high school we were driving around in a car at night trying to find a good place to park and smoke. We had tried several places and settled on none of them because we were already high and paranoid. We finally found a spot and were about to light up when silhouetted in the window was an old man with binoculars. So we sped away, but in doing so ran over what we thought was a baby. Upon getting out to check we discovered it was a log. We got back in the car but mistook a streetlight for headlights so we didn't end up moving for 10 minutes. Then we went to a burger joint and the fire department was there, so we had a burger with them.
The first time I got high was in the bathroom of the NYC hotel we were staying in for confirmation—we were there touring synagogues. It was tricky because the rabbi was in the room next door.
Once we ordered Wendy's at the drive-thru and it took five minutes to realize we were talking to nobody.
While I was in Boston once my friends and I got really high and decided to go to New York City. We made the brilliant decision to take the ultra-sketchy $15 Chinatown bus there.
Once I passed out in a lazy river when I was high. I didn't even fall off the tube. Apparently I just kept going around for about an hour.
