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The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Tuesday, May 21, 2024
Breaking down spring break by the numbers

Victoria Statz

Breaking down spring break by the numbers

It's Sunday as I'm writing this and like usual it will be until midnight. But come midnight, Cinderella won't be the only girl bawling her eyes out because her dreams are suddenly shattered. I too will be crying—crying over the painful loss of my sanity (yet again) because spring break is over. I have only nine hours and fifty-seven minutes until I arrive at my romantic poetry class two minutes late. I've become that perpetually-slightly-late kid, but what can you expect from a person taking their final undergraduate classes? Well, you can assume that after procrastinating on writing this column for the entirety of break I'm doing so in a laundromat. Procrastination… like finally washing the seven loads of dirty clothing I've kept stockpiled in my closet for about a month—bet the rental company loved showing that. Serves them right for sending me an email and calling and leaving a voicemail I will never listen to each time they schedule a showing.

Anyway, now that I am past the ""it can wait 'til tomorrow"" stage and onto ""frantic multitasking""—which includes remembering I was supposed to read a few novels this past week—I need something that will calm my anxious brain. As every organization nerd knows, the best way to do this is to make lists.

So, in order to reassure myself that I blissfully wiled away my break here in Madison and to halfheartedly convince myself it's time to rejoin the outside world, I have created a ""Spring Break by the Numbers"" list. It contains all the awesome activities I did during break while everyone else went somewhere totally lame, spent way too much money, probably acquired a treatable, albeit painful, STI and got sunburned.

Saturday 3/12

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I can't remember.

Sunday 3/13

I began pulling one all-nighter to finish a paper that was originally due Thursday but could be turned in Monday if we chose to do so. I really should have learned to use extended deadlines more effectively at some point over the past four years.

Monday 3/14

I drank one 12-ounce Red Bull and four cups of black tea and became increasingly delirious until I finished that paper at about 7 a.m. Then I biked to Helen C. with my crooked, foggy, disgustingly Sarah Palin-esque glasses on to turn in that paper.

Tuesday 3/15

After a search of my apartment—punctuated with hyperventilation—I realized I'd left one fully stocked wallet in a cart at the Woodman's parking lot. Miraculously everything was still there when I went back to claim it. I've regained my faith in humanity! Nah, I'm still a cynic, so let me rephrase that: there's a toddler's handful of good folk out there.

Wednesday 3/16

I went to the allergist and he wrote me a prescription for one round of 'roids to help resurrect my phlegm-stricken lungs. TMI…

Thursday 3/17—Friday 3/18

Blah, blah blah.

Saturday 3/19

I bought a little gerbil at around 3 p.m., then rushed back to get another before the store closed at 9 p.m. This occurred after realizing at 8:15 p.m. that I couldn't let the first one be lonely.

Sunday 3/20

Did you read the intro?


I watched one season of ""Arrested Development"" as well as ""Blazing Saddles"" on Netflix. I also watched like 26 episodes of ""Mobile Suit Gundam"" as my week long morning cartoon fix. I ate a ton of tamarind fruit, went to the Old Fashioned three times, visited three different coffee shops and saw my mother twice. I revised my resume about three times in two different software programs. My boyfriend and his friend fixed up one bicycle of mine, transforming it into an awesome, classic cruising machine. Oh, I went to Target twice and bought one box of Gushers on sale for $1.88.


How was your break? Did it top Victoria's? If so, email the details to But don't get too personal—she doesn't want to hear about all the places you got sand stuck in after things got carried away and Guido rolled you right off that oversize beach towel.


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